There is a line in the Batman Begins movie that I absolutely love. Little Brucie Wayne falls down a well and as his father is consoling him he asks, "Why do we fall down?" and then answers, "So we can learn to get back up."

So many times I would convince myself I had moved past something or someone and the moment I was confronted w/that thing or person, I'd cave. I felt it was a punishment of sorts. I didn't see what the real point was.

How could I know for sure for sure I was over it, UNLESS it crossed my path again. Case in point. Say I swear off donuts. So long as I don't encounter donuts, I have a false sense of achievement. But it won't be until the day a plate of donuts is slid under my nose will I really know how over the donuts I really am.

Hola Beaker Babes (not to late to sign up),

This week's focus: Today kicks off Week 2! Stumbled in Week 1? Made a fugged up choice, or did nothing? Fuggedabout it, there are 5 entire weeks left to turn Week 1 into a distant memory. So wipe any percieved "failings" out of your memory bank and just make today good. Then make tomorrow better and on and on till we hit Saturday.

Though the challenge is titled 5lbs, the main point is just to regroup from whatever edge you may have fallen off and have a group of people cheering each other on. If in the process of getting yourself back on track, you happen to shed 5lbs, kudos. Other than that, @ the very least let's try to not to be to hard on ourselves.

Have a WONDERFUL week, use this post to cheer each other on. It's not soley for logging if you lost or gained b/c we are all much better than that So if you hit a stumbling block and need a push or had a major victory you want to brag about, let's hear it.

"It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan." – Eleanor Roosevelt

"Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go." - Sylvia Robinson

Red text my emphasis.

Exercising In Heat

The heat can decrease your appetite, but it's important to eat normally. Try to eat small meals 5-6 times per day. Include lots of fruits and vegetables. Aside from being nutritious, fruits also tend to help with hydration.

You have heard of "Sad" occurring in the winter when the days are shorter and there is less sunlight. Well, it can also occur during the summer. The extreme heat and humidity can throw us into the deepest of moods.

What's funny is when my appetite returned yesterday and I mentally planned my grocery list, I thought of just eating fruit salads for lunch and 3-4 types of veggies for dinner. Anything w/meat or bread or frozen dinner just sounded so heavy. So yea Sian, sometimes it's good to know it's not just you feeling whacked out and better still, there's a scientific explanation.

There's a story in the NY times about a blogger, Stephanie Klein, who got a $500,000 book deal and will be working on a TV show. In the last week it's set forth a spew of rants about how unworthy she is of such fortunes and how much better deserved other writers, themselves included are, for that money and opportunity.

Comment after comment had me shaking my head. I skimmed her blog and just took it for what it was. What the negative commenters did, was skim her blog too, but they blasted her for what they read. In some instances, she left a response on their site, saying that her book deal didn't "happen" b/c of her blog, she's been working on a book proposal for 6 months and why don't they do the same and maybe something good will come of it.

Yesterday on my way home I heard about story about a guy selling t-shirts that depicted a harsh image of a historical event. A few callers said good on him for bringing the event to the forefront and some wished him well on making money. Others felt he was exploiting the situation and a few called to say what he should make a t-shirt of instead.

One caller in particular felt he should make a shirt showing the before & after effects of drug use and in that moment it hit me in a flash. I giggled @ the absurdity in his demand and actually said back to the radio, "YOU make a shirt like that wiseguy."

I mean really.

The 100+ heat wave has been broken. To say it had an impact on my mood and workouts is an understatement. I just couldn't move and didn't realize to what extent till I woke up today and felt normal. No hard time breathing, no feeling of the air being thick, just normal. And yesterday my appetite came back, and now I'm sitting here itching to workout. I've got to look up how weather impacts mood. I saw people running, RUNNING, on some of those 100+ days, in the late afternoon when my car said it was 110. I didn't know wheter to impressed, or mortified.

"In this age, which believes that there is a short cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way is, in the long run, the easiest!" -Henry Miller

Nearing 60 entries the sign up post (it's not to late to sign up and become a Beaker Babe ) was apparently busting @ the seams. Plus folks, I'm lQQkin' @ you Martha , wanted to chat about the challenge. So here ya go, a brand spanking new post to have @ it. For the duration of the challenge, I'll post a new weekly thread on Sunday. If that one gets full, don't hold back, I'll throw another one up mid week.

We are now in week 1, the week when excitement and adrenaline are front and center. How's your week going? Any potential roadblocks coming up this weekend? Do have a plan of attack for the next 6 weeks or are you just winging it?

I've got a lot of clutter in my life. A lot. it seems like an oxymoron b/c on the on hand I'm very OCD, I am very meticulous and detailed in how I approach my fitness, but my car, desk, bedroom, closet all look like tornadoes hit them. And it's so draining. Each week I pump myself up to do something about it and each weekend the thought of it makes me tired or I run away to the movies and then sleep away Sunday to avoid only to wake up drained and distracted by the clutter on Monday. This has gone on far longer than I care to admit and as I was having flashes of tackling something this weekend, I found myself looking to see what time Must Love Dogs will be showing on Saturday.

I've GOT to do something about it already. It's symptomatic of other clutter I have when it comes to moving myself forward and out of miserable situations. So this Saturday & Sunday I will commit to cleaning up at least 3 areas. My car, my hallway closet and the hallway. I can't commit to doing more b/c it's so much but if there is time, I'll work on my desk and work my way around my bedroom each weekend. I have a finance related post to write but before I get to the heart of what I need to do, I need to clear out the junk and get myself organized again.

Funny, as I was writing that line, I wondered when did it get so bad? I was always a bit messy, but I was always organized and then it hit me, 9/11. Psychologically after that day I developed a "why bother" attitude which also coincides with my last big gain. I just had a feeling of helplessness and shock that day. What did it matter if I filed my bank statement, the world was ending.

And these days while I do have that same world is ending dread in my stomach what with the world & life in general being so unstable, if I think about it too hard, I'd scrap working out too.

My effort to organize & de-clutter is a tiny way of me reclaiming my life. To stop living w/such a "why bother" attitude. To work towards a better future, compared to paralyzing myself 4 years ago and now living thru the type of future those consequences created.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I've lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I'm all about signs and messages coming in to my life and if anyone tried to visit here between 7:30-10:30 EST, my site was down. Hosting peeps having issues.

As I fumed and fretted, had my stomach get into knots as my OCD kicked in b/c my site was down for chrissakes, I decided to really listen to the radio vs. have it on as background noise.

During the 10am show, he's reading from a book about fear and if that man wasn't speaking directly to me, about me & my life, I don't know what else it could be. I had to stop listening @ some points b/c it was freaking me out. @ 10:30 he had an interview coming up so he was just reading from the book to pass the time. @ 10:30, my site came back up.

Kimba!

Find her over @ being myself, only better.

She shares her special day with the likes of Showgirls diva Elizabeth Berkley.

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"You miss 100 percent of all the shots you never take." - Wayne Gretzky

Okey doke all my non-US peeps who go by kilo, no Mel you aren't the only foreigner

You asked, and I googled:

1lb = .45 kilos
1 kilogram = 2.20462262 pounds

For your losing pleasure, the sidebar has been updated.

Breaking the group challenge related entries, b/c next thing I know OCD Renee will have hijacked the site from Weight Loss Renee, so back to me.

The last few weeks I've been aligning my thoughts w/my actions to make something that has been burning in my belly for years come to pass. I can't divulge what I'm working on and I hate to be cryptic. Strike that, if I hated it I wouldn't do it, rather I know when I read someone cryptic words, I think "The hell?" So yea, I get it. I'm just really jinxy and don't like to put things out till the deed is done is all.

But the truth is, I'm freaking scared. What if everything I've always wanted happens?!?! Then what? How can I handle it? Geez it'll feel too good to be true. And is that why I'm slightly sabotaging myself? I'll give a for instance.

Over on the side bar I added a Beaker Babe section. It's the 40+ (YIKES!) who signed up since Monday. I whipped it together as a quick reference, that way you don't have to scroll thru the sign up entry's comments to see who is who. Most people have sites, but for the site-less, I used my URL, more than likely you'll find their adventures here. 46 peeps is a lotta work for little ole me to cheerlead, so over the next 6 weeks, go forth & spread some luv

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Philo

20+ Beaker Babes (& 1 Beaker Boy hi Allan) and counting. People coming out of the woodwork, lurkers, I'm stoked.

Now for a little insight, those of you who've read me for a while know I have a thing about baby steps and doing things in stages. So this 5lb Labor Day Challenge deceptively appears to be easy. 5lbs in 6 weeks. No must exercise xx minutes. No must drink xx water. Heck if you lose more or less lbs why that's okay too. Which makes one wonder, what's the catch? What's the point? What is that sneaky vixen really up too?

::rubs palms::

*muah*

I always have things up my sleeve and I'll reveal more later. All I'll say for now is, if this is successful and by successful I mean @ the end of it, @ least 1 other person checks in (I know things happen and people drop for many reason, which is cool) it'll lay the groundwork for something else. Think of it as a dry run leading up to bigger and better things.

The sole goal for the first group challenge is: keep it fun. That's why I'm not stressing you post how much you weigh and why expectations are so low, only 5lbs.

And I misspoke yesterday, I said I was going to keep that original post up for 6 weeks but seeing it for so long will drive me crazy. Instead, every Sunday I'll pin a "challenge check-in" post that can be used for whatever. Chat about how the last week went, tell us your upcoming plans, whatevers clever. And in that post I'll post a tip or motivational message for the upcoming week.

We can do this Beaker Babes (Sorry Allan you are now a babe too).

"Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." - Samuel Johnson

About: from 7/24 thru 9/3, you can join in @ any point even the final week, the challenge is to lose just one beaker o' fat, or 5lbs. Losing more or less lbs is totally acceptable.

You don't need your own website to participate, men are welcome too.

There is no need to reveal your weight, on 9/4 just let the group know how much you've lost.

I'd like the challenge's focus to be fun and light hearted so reporting a weekly weigh in here isn't necessary. Plus we all know how the scale fluctuates and I'd hate for anyone to lose motivation or get frustrated in the latter days. For that reason the official challenge weigh in date will be 9/4. [edit: since it's a holiday weekend (thx for the out of town reminder jj), the challenge still ends on 9/3 but you can post your final weigh in anytime the following week, by 9/10 @ the very latest.]

Use this post to join, by simply leaving a comment.

This entry will be pinned for the duration of the challenge as an open forum to chat about how you are doing. Feel free to use it, as much as you want to. Post how you are doing be it daily, weekly. Though hourly may be a bit much. I kid. I kid. ::

Okey doke, so I pledge one beaker o' fat, anyone care to see me or, raise me? Heh.

Oh Gina, you forced my hand, in a good way.

Lately my brain has been bouncing around an idea of doing a group challenge. I always hesitate about starting one b/c I've seen countless group events kick off and then peter out. I really don't want it to become a super big deal for anyone. More like a "are you game" sorta thing.

W/the rapidly approaching Labor Day, my own need to be pumped in spite of the heat, there's no time like the present to kick this thing off right? Right!

Right-O, the group challenge will last for the next 6 weeks, personally I'm doing it in conjunction w/my MBF challenge, b/c the beauty of this group challenge is, there are no rules, regulations or excessive details. Odd.

The basic idea is to keep doing what ever it is you already do, or if you like me have been slacking off, start back doing something. The group challenge only asks that you pledge to lose just one beaker of fat or 5lbs, in the next 6 weeks, which is reasonable, even for my painfully slow metabolism.

That's it.

My next post will be pinned @ the top for the duration of the challenge. Use that post join in & support each other since many of you "know" each other via comments, don't be strangers. Pump each other up, yada yada yada each other and so on.

@ the end of the challenge, on 9/4, I'll post a page full of fat beakers that the group has lost. Y'all know I'll slap together a webpage in a ♥ beat, this just gives me another excuse.

If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you. --- Les Brown

It seems like the summer just started a few weeks ago, doesn't it? For many of us, summer seems to go by more quickly than other seasons (while others can't wait for fall to get here).

With that in mind, we wanted to remind you that Labor Day is a mere six weeks from today. Really. Before you know it, days will be getting shorter, school buses will be chugging down our streets, and you'll be wondering where the balmy weather went.

So now's the perfect time to ask yourself:

How much weight do I want to lose between now and Labor Day?

For many of us, Labor Day has been a weight-loss target since summer started. Maybe you wanted to lose 20 pounds over the summer, or maybe 25. But now that it's this close, you should step back and refocus your goal.

Maybe your summer has gone better than you expected, so you might be close to your goal already (way to go!). If so, you can adjust your expectations and lose even more weight than you intended. If you're on track, keep on course!

But if your weight loss has lagged behind your expectations, it's not too late! Just start over now and set a brand new goal for yourself.

Not sure how much? Regardless of how much you've lost already the past two months (a little or a lot), a good ballpark weight-loss figure for the next six weeks may be about 10 pounds or so. If you stick to your program and drink lots of water (it'll be the hottest time of the year, after all), it is totally do-able!

Now's the time to look for that "perfect 10." You can do it. [via NutriSystem daily dose]

What a coinky dink. 6 weeks from now, Labor Day, is exactly when my MBF challenge ends. Dare I harbor dreams of 10lbs o' fat (translation: ) dancing in my head and offa my damn hips.

Heat that is. Geez louise, stick a fork in me, so I can completely melt already.

The last 2 weeks I've been ½ assing workouts b/c I haven't been eating right. I haven't been eating right, b/c when the temps get to be 95 degrees and climbing, the last thing I want to do is eat. Or move. Or blink.

So that's the excuse reason for the MBF challenge restart, which I already fugged up by not working out this morning. Bah. My excuse explanation is, yesterday I ate 4 things. A hot fudge sundae. Two hot pocket breakfast thingies. A yogurt.

I had zero appetite and the last few Sunday's I've gotten into a cycle of sleeping on and off throughout the afternoon and hardly eating so Monday's AM workout always leaves me a bit queasy.

*sigh*

It's just a phase, I'll snap out of it. Soon.

So while the challenge is still on, mentally I'm going to cut myself some slack by striving to do @ least one workout session a day. Left to my own devices, I'll only do Slim in 6, but as my tagline states, I want to run dammit, so I'm not completely writing off that AM workout.

The mental break is just my way of forgiving myself for today and resisting the urge to start over fresh next week and go thru my entire site changing the finish date from 9/3 to 9/10. I keep that up, I'll push back until it's 12/31

Oh great I just read this:

Heat index likely in 100s today

Atlantans can expect the hottest weather of the season today, and as if the heat wasn't enough, a "code orange" air quality alert is in effect for the city.

Highs this afternoon should reach the mid-90s, the National Weather Service said, with a heat index climbing to between 100 and 104 degrees.

Tuesday could be as hot or hotter, with an even higher heat index, forecasters said.

"Forget mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day." - Will Durant

Sometimes saying thank you, especially online, seems hollow. But thank you all for the comments and emails on what I wrote. I wanted to reply to each comment, but in some ways it'll dilute the power of them all and b/c I got a little something from each of them and have been piecing it together like a puzzle, my individual replies will seem contradictory.

I'm the type of person that sometimes expects myself to just *snap* get it, or find the right or wrong answer, or see things as black or white. But that outlook doesn't apply to everything. I still don't know what I'm going to do or how I'll approach things. I tossed around an idea of having an offshoot site where I can be opinionated and chew over the issues. That way I can just leave this site to focus on my daily doings. Who knows?

Ironically that very entry, which sorta dished on the perils of comments, is one of the very reasons I have them. The insight from others sometimes helps me to clear the fog in my head. I can get so wrapped up in my own thinking I stop seeing the forest, so the simple answer that my site is both for me and others, to an extent, is absolutely true. Rather than fight myself, I'm just going to come up with another approach.

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." - Carl Bard

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." – Carl Jung

Alethea!

Find her over @ supermodel material...: "this is the true story of my journey to become thinner. i am on my way to a happier, healthier, and sexy me!"

She shares her special day with barkeep Woody Harrelson.

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[This entry is going to be all over the place b/c I started to write it a few weeks ago and have been adding more to it here and there. It's a bit convoluted but I'm not in the mood to edit it down so some phrases/themes will be repeated. When times like this happens, I find myself getting a wee bit too caught up on the external, it's time for me to step away from the keyboard for a little bit. I'll be back Sunday.]

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So I've been doing this public pontificating journal/blog thing for a few years. I even got a few inactive domains under my belt to prove it. @ the end of last year, I stopped loving my old domain and the direction/tone of my site so I scrapped it and came up with this one.

Back then I also lost interest in the weight loss world. I felt disenchanted for many reasons, looking for something online that wasn't there. During that time, b/c I had to read something, I lurked on political blogs. The slant I read is what I needed to feel less alone. Along the way I noticed something really cool. They had a genuine community. Shure they argued and had opposing views, but since they all shared the same party affiliation they pretty much got along.

There are thousands of such blogs, but every day I frequented the same 10-15 and they were the most popular ones. The ones that got the most comments or were referred to the most in the media, it's prolly purely coincidental they were also all male writers.

It made me wish that the weight loss community could have a similar function. Rapid fire discussion on various issues, personal experiences, and robust feedback.

When the year started and a new domain under my belt, that's the direction I set my sights on. In the last few weeks I realized what works well in political blogs, regardless of party, doesn't have the same impact when it comes to weight. And the last few days I tried to figure out why.

Oy.

As promised, let me give you a story on my experience from last week about the feast/famine mentality I mentioned yesterday. One thing to note, until last week happened, not only did I not know that's how I used to think, I didn't when realize I no longer thought that way.

Back in the day I used to go to all you can eat buffets all the damn time. Hey, it was a cheap way to fill my belly for the entire day. And the variety? Man good stuff.

I haven't been to a buffet style restaurant in well over a year. @ the time I was closer to one, but since moving, it's been outta sight & mind. Last week I knew I was going to be in the old area around lunch time and thought, ok I'll swing on by. Here's my thinking pattern from Then vs. Now.

"There are only 2 choices; make progress or make excuses." - Ellen Mikesell

In my earlier entry, Neca brought up a point that has recently become a sore point w/me. I mentioned before how 3 out of 4 TV commercials I see in the evening are about food as an event, celebration or porn like (hello Paris Hilton burger!) Yesterday, when I wasn't feeling well, I caught the Cosby Show.

Theo had his heart broken by a girl. Dr. Huxtable's solution was to feed him a double bacon burger dog. He really didn't feel like eating it and Dr. H. was taken aback. The bacon burger dog usually has Theo salivating like a dog to a bone. But here he is preferring to work out his frustrations thru a vigorous game of b-ball. Running up and down. Sweating even. As if.

Later Dr. H. convinces him to go sit in the library where young Theo ends up finding and squiring another fair lass. Upon bringing her back to Château Lé Huxtable, he proceeds to ask his pops to fire up the grill so they can get their food on.

I know, I'm not being kind.

I was over @ one of my regular forums and read someone feeling frustrated that they were losing so slowly and they asked for tips. Usually when I see a post like that, I whip out my trusty old week 1 vs. week 23 pudge pic to show them what "only" a small amount of lbs looks like and that @ times I share their frustration.

This sentence they said jumped out @ me "I went to two birthday parties this past weekend and tortured myself by eating an apple while everyone else ate chips and cookies and cake."

I try very hard not to categorize food as "good" or "bad" or "wrong" I don't think I ever did that until I found weight loss websites. Then I found myself co-opting their terminology, "I cheated", "I was bad" etc.

I try to just be. In any and every moment, even the emotional & irrational ones, I always accept that I'm making a choice and when I'm done, there is no guilt or remorse. On the flip side, there is no extreme joy either. It's just food. Some more healthy than others, but it's food.

What I love about this quote I posted earlier by Arthur Ashe , "Every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you keep challenging it." is that in two lines, he says so much.

I don't really want to get up @ an insane hour each morning and I may never feel that way. That's not the point. Substituting his words, I may never get to that point, but every day I can keep getting up any ol' way. Over time, I'll become less resistant.

See that's why I leave the quoting to others, else I end up mucking it up w/my wordy ways

Nicole!

Find her over @ anonymous fat woman: No tagline but she has a really cool logo:

She shares her special day with the likes of former "I only play one on TV" doctor Anthony Edwards.

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"Every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you keep challenging it." - Arthur Ashe

Another thing possibly contributing to my emotional rage & eating 2 (only 2 I swear!) butterfinger crisps this weekend: it's that womanly time can we come up with even MORE cutesy nicknames for it?!? Yeesh.

I came home early as being doubled over all morning lost me some cool points. I popped more than a few xtra strength midol and between the heat and pain have been sleeping on and off since I got home. As much as I'd love to get my slim in 6 on right now, I've got nothing. I'm way too drained & by nature ever so slightly anemic. Every once in a while that TOM (cutesy name #2) makes me even more tired. And crave red meat. Blech.

Tomorrow is another day. Me go back to bed now.

There's a long convoluted story behind this so I'll skip over to the high points.

I've been doing a little thingy online, sorta like ebay, where I get paid in return for my info. It involves strangers so there's always a chance of getting scammed. Over the weekend I realize one of the parties may be scamming me. Yesterday they claimed they weren't logging into the forum we use, yet they were reading the mail I sent them. I gave them an ultimatum to pony up the cash by noon today or let me know by noon what the deal is. They wrote back they had death in the family and will be out of town no way to read my PMs till next Sunday.

Now before I sound like a heartless shrew, if I had a nickel for every time someone had a death, hospital or some other tragedy occur right when it was time to pay up, I wouldn't need this group to get some extra cash.

That was the first msg I read when I woke up this morning and I was PISSED.

Don't wait to live fit -- start now! - by Carol Sorgen

Are you waiting until you've reached your goal weight to "think thin?" Don't, say weight loss experts. The time to start thinking -- and living -- as a thinner, healthier person is right now.

Too often, people hold on to the belief that they can't think or act like a thin person until they reach their goal weight, says Linda Spangle, RN, MA, owner of Weight Loss for Life in Denver and author of Life is Hard, Food is Easy: The 5-Step Plan to Overcome Emotional Eating and Lose Weight on Any Diet. But staying trapped in your old, unhealthy mindset can sabotage the very behaviors you're trying so hard to change.

"I encourage people who are trying to lose weight to build an image of how they would not only look, but also how they would act and feel when they are thin," says Spangle.

If you are a visual person, for example, hang a favorite outfit where you can see it every day, then picture how well the outfit is going to fit you. If you're a movement-oriented person, picture how it would "feel" to slide easily past the empty seats in the theater row, or imagine the ease of fastening a seat belt in an airplane.

"Always do the things you fear the most. Courage is an acquired taste, like caviar." – Erica Jong

"It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life." - Elizabeth Kenny

Blech. I just had store-brand oatmeal (mistake #1) w/water (mistake #2) I do not like store brand oatmeal, it's thin. But w/milk any oatmeal is pretty good. The vanilla soy milk finished yesterday so today I mixed with water. It tasted like glue.

All I can say is HOORAY yucky eats week is finishing and HOORAH for payday and empty shelves to stock w/new food. Yucky eats week meant I had a lot of knick knacks that I had pushed to the back of the cupboard, fridge and freezer over the last few weeks. Running low on money last week as well as staying in for the entire rainy weekend led me to just trying to finish up what I had.

Healthy Choice frozen dinners also suck, especially in comparison to the luscious Lean Cuisines. I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong, but this week, since that was all I ate, I realized what it was. They are very watery. Blech!

Anywayz, this weekend I stock back up on the good stuff and after a week like this, which I may endure again in about 3 weeks, it'll brighten my taste buds for shure.

Sunday starts Stage 2 of my eating plan. Stage 1 was me trying to eat w/in 100 calories of my BMR. Stage 2 builds on that and will introduce me eating w/in a set time frame, every 3 hours. That's pretty much all, still not yet paying attention to the nutritional breakdown. I'm just eating in moderation and eating on a schedule.

Stage 2 7/17-7/30
The goal:
- Continue Stage 1 goals
(eat w/in 100 cals of BMR, make meal plan, follow meal plan, drink min 100oz water)
- Eat every 3 or so hours (7 - 10 - 1 - 4:30 – 7)

Those two things alone should yield results. Heck even that woman who ate no more than 1400 calories of McDonalds food lost weight.

When I read that story, I thought, geez, there is always somebody, somewhere. As for what she did, I just had to take a deep breath, resist my urge to rant and just say to myself, Self, if a person believes that they can solely exist on fast food b/c eating 1400 calories of it causes them to lose weight and they don't take a look @ the internal picture of what that kind of food, 3x a day 7 days a week, does to their organs. Have @ it.

[/off soapbox]

I've got to dig thru my Fitday notes to find that mystical week when I was eating some yummy stuff, translation nothing went to waste, and had 2-3 fresh fruits daily as well as lots of veggies and whole grain cereal. The calories were a bit higher then, but I can tweak that for Stage 2.

Last week was techie week as I worked on the site, during the week was emotional week as I got stuff out of my head, more swirling but it'll have to wait to next week to surface, which means this weekend is fun and frivolity. I haven't been to the movies in a few weeks, treasonous in my house, so after grocery shopping is done and I veg out and watch some Saturday morning cartoons, I'm heading out to catch a few flicks. Have a great weekend and make sure it's extra fun w/supersized frivolity.

My internal clock is a tad off. It happened earlier this year, but fixed itself in a few weeks. The last two weeks of staying up till the early am and waking up later than normal has thrown my body for a loop. Working out this week has helped me once again get drowsy by bedtime, but like earlier in the year, I'm EXTREMELY sleepy around 6:30-7:30 which I have to fight like mad not to give in.

If I go to bed too early I wake up SUPER early almost 2 hours before the alarm. Then I toss and turn and can't wake up when it's goes off. If I go to bed too late, I'm too groggy to get up period. Suffice to say I've had 2 (out of the planned 5) AM workouts this week and schlepped thru the yesterday's PM workout.

Starting tonight I'll try to reset my internal clock with a strict 9:30 bedtime and all next week I'll simply have to be as vigilant as I was back in the day. Back then every early morn I'd fling myself outta bed, like it or not, and in the late evening I'd put toothpicks between my eyelids to prop open my eyes till bedtime.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland

Robin's comment to my earlier post made me think of something B said earlier this week and I'm @ a loss for time to get into it any further and she summed it up pretty darn good:

the cold hard fact of the matter is that YOU can't do what I did and expect to end up where I am because you are not me. You must do this work for yourself, you must find your own path

I share what I do first and foremost for a selfish reason, to document what I'm doing for my future self to have as a resource to fall back on. If in the process of sharing it, someone gets an idea to look something up or tweak it so it can work for them, kudos.

I always have ideas and plans running thru my head, too many to share here, they constantly change & there'll never be enough time to get them all out.

While I may not have stated back in December, day 1, or even when I planned my 2005 fitness goals, that my mission was to work out for 60-90 mins in the AM, it's always in the back of my mind. Over the last 6 months that is something I've slowly worked towards. Like I essentially said to Robin, if it doesn't match your lifestyle or match your personality, don't do something that you don't feel you cannot, nor do you even want to, do.

@ this time in my life I have both the luxury (free gym in my complex), the personal freedom to be selfish (single w/no kiddies) & the interest (I love pushing myself and learning about fitness) to make my manic workout routine my first priority. You may not like working out, you may have a family of 4 or you may simply have other priorities & interests. That is absolutely A-OK.

Please try not to have thoughts of I need to do what she's doing. Rather just sit back & enjoy. Heck you can even sympathetically shake your head while cackling @ my over the top antics. If nothing else, simply allow me to entertain you.

Yesterday I sorta summed up a few theories I apply to myself and it may not have been very clear. Never said I was a writer . These theories are things I've read @ various times over the last few years. B/c they just made sense to me, I try to incorporate them into my overall plan. Keep in mind there are many many many theories, I don't know what's the right or wrong one. I just pick the one that makes sense to me and matches my lifestyle and/or plans. These aren't the orig sources I read, but a quick search on the same topic gave me the language I was looking for that may explain it better.

"Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and of true progress." - Nicholas Murray Butler

Elle Jay!

Find her over @ Living Less Juicy : "My journey to living more while taking up less space."

She shares her special day with the likes of music mogul Tommy Mottola.

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My first session w/Debbie went well yesterday. Really well. I was so freakishly delirious when I was done, I was bouncing off the walls. Ramp it up is a 45 min pgm and since I did it before, I didn't bother to preview it I just dove right in. I was so not kidding that she is the Head Leg Torturer in Charge. Right away she dives into plie squats while working the arms. Lucky for me Kathy Smith got my legs in shape, and I survived the leg portion. My arms did start to sting after from doing various bicep curls and tricep moves with each set of plie squats. By the 4th (yes I said FOURTH!) set of plie squats, I had to keep them on my waist. 10 mins in and I was already drenched. sweatdrop

The waist work, reaching side to side then doing standing side crunches, went well. I planned to do 8 reps of everything, but she's so darn perky I got lost in the moment and tried to keep up w/them. Hmmph!

Some side kicks were involved, those stung too. Reverse lunges, I've gotten better at, but fuggedabout the front lunges. I was wobbling all over the place, and she's so intuitive she reassured me, in time I'll get my balance. Aww she's sooo sweeeeeet.

Was so sleepy yesterday. For the first time in the last two weeks I was once again fighting to keep my eyes open by 9. Tossed and turned a bit but slept well. Rough getting up. Run went well. No queasies, lotsa sweatdrop. No Fresh Prince today. Roseanne instead. Since the remote is broken, again, this alternate morning programming works to my advantage.

"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me." - Carol Burnett

I think I found my mascot:

Though my earlier post may appear otherwise, I'm feeling really peppy this morning. Only one thing could be the root of it. Endorphins!

Oh how I've missed thee. My head has that funny feeling again. Like my brain took a shower. I feel internally cleansed, my breathing feels crisp. Man I wish I could bottle this up and douse myself w/it from time to time.

The last few days I've been thinking a lot about responsibility. I'm not sure what prompted it. Likely an email I received where I was "blamed" for someone not following thru on a commitment they made for themselves.

A few months/years ago words like that would've wounded me for days. I would have bent over backwards to appease them and play myself down so they didn't feel badly about themselves. What's funny is when I first read the letter, I was either speed reading or seriously no longer phased by the guilt trip, I didn't even see the accusatory paragraph.

Gah, so rough getting up this am. Two weeks of staying up late started to lull me back into my night owl-ish ways. Proably didn't fall asleep till 11 and b/c I didn't wake up early yesterday I was anxious before falling asleep. After tossing and turning for almost an hour, took some sleep meds and I was out like a light. I did hit snooze, but got on up and groggily headed out. 11 mins in, ♥ rate @ 150, sweatdrop starting to form, I was like, Dayum, I missed this place.

"When you follow your bliss, doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else." - Joseph Campbell

By Dianne Hales - Published: January 2, 2005

You've vowed, yet again, to pare down the pounds this year, but you know that the odds of keeping them off are bleak. Diets may work, but research and experience show that it's often only for a while. Exercise helps—as long as you keep at it.

Even with the best diet, people have trouble keeping their resolve, and health experts are beginning to deal with this problem. With two in three adults overweight or obese, those experts are looking beyond carbs and calories to the cognitive-behavioral techniques that have helped many Americans overcome other unhealthy habits, such as smoking and alcohol abuse.

I had an idea for this a while ago but since my stay in the 180's was so brief and the 170's so long I took some time to think of what each weight range represented.

Similiar to Operation Crease Begone, Mission Meltdown Back Fat(MBF) gets it's name from my desire to have a back flab free zone (side note, I know the body doesn't spot reduce, naming is purely for my late night cackling pleasure).

First to bring everyone up to date. I haven't set foot in the gym in 2 weeks. Ok I have, but only to fill up my water bottle. No real reason. Back aches hit around week 5 and by week 6, emotional drama and an overall funk thru me off. So technically I ended that challenge way early and didn't even do a week 6 recap.

Last week I took off and used the time to get stuff done around the apt, work on my site and plan what I'd do next. As hokey as it sounds to say I took a week off after basically chucking the last 2 challenge weeks, well I did. It was a mental thing. That being the case, one could say I really haven't been to the gym in 3 weeks, but since I don't see that person, I'm sticking to my story. 2 weeks. 'sides, I got in a few walks/runs @ some point.

*cough*

Now that my soul has been sufficiently bared, the past has been forgiven what on earth does Mission MBF entail?

Ok about the site changes.

Nothing major, revamped the layout a bit, streamlined some colors and links. Most things were done behind the scene. Deleting old files, cleaning up my coding, fixing things like the search (it works again!), updating the logo (I added new phrases for the 2nd ½ of the year) and other technical stuff I can't even remember. For the most part the site is the same, there are a few visual changes that I've added, but as far as the content and focus that hasn't changed.

Without getting into too much detail right now, as the site has grown, so has the expenses to maintain it. For the most part it ends up supporting itself via the advertising links, but as I started shopping around for a movable type friendly host, I saw that it's more expensive than my budget currently allows.

There are many things I'd like to do with the site that I held off on. Mostly due to not having enough on here and lately b/c I didn't want to offend anyone, trust me nothing p0rn0 related, I'd just like to monetize the site some more so I can expand it. I cringe @ even putting it out there b/c I read others and hell none of the journals I read are trust fund babies, so other than a sympathetic head nod I don't want to come across as a cyberbeggar. Which is not my MO.

Rather, the site is a labor of love. The content is what I would do, research, post if no one ever read. It's a combination of many of my interests (googling any & everything, web design, fitness etc) and to have spent the entire weekend working on it to make it just right, isn't a chore, it's my joy. It's not @ the point where it'll replace anyone's 9-5 but if I can cobble together what I'd make if I found a part time job, I'd be ecstatic.

So while my daily jibber jabber isn't changing, I am looking @ my site in a diff't light. Now that there is more on here than I had on day 1, I'll be taking more active role on honing my skills to expand things. In that respect I'd hope not appear to be a sell out, yet if I find a way to earn money doing what I already enjoy, I'm jumping @ it.

That being said, I'd hate to lose visitors who may be turned off, feeling my site has turned impersonal, possibly too commercial (it won't but it may seem that way as the layout changes) but to each his own, I can't let that fear hold me back. No more.

I'm going to resurrect a category, financial fitness, I put to bed b/c I felt embarrassed that I'd come across as a beggar *sigh*. It's coming back mainly b/c money, or lack therof, has a direct relationship on my emotional state each month.

Like the newly created personal category, comments will be closed. That's so I can feel free just to write and not censor myself. After starting it I got a few emails & comments offering help. That added to my shame. I dunno why. But to swallow my fear & shame and address those inquiries, I'll say this.

I try to limit ads shown here based on things I've tried, ie NutriSystem etc. That way if I'm asked, I can give my experience. If you are in the market to try that particular product, I make a few dimes if you get it via the site. If it's something you'd get online anyway, we both score.

Lastly, I'll repost my donation link. I took it down a few months ago (again shame) but now I'll view it as a tip jar. If something I wrote or did moves you the way a good belly laugh from Chris Rock moves me, a tip of buck (or two) would be greatly appreciated. Considering a live Chris Rock show will run ya well over $75 smackeroos, I'm a steal. A steal I tell ya!

But keep in mind, no one, @ anytime, is under any obligation to do any of the above. Ever. I'm not keeping score or track. Other than the financial fitness category where I talk about my debt in general, I won't mention tips received or not and by whom. If someone tips me and they hate running, I won't turn my site into an anti-run rant to appease them. Feel me?

So that's the gist of it. Internally I feel really good. I've sketched out some ideas of the direction I want to take my site in and I'm actively working to make it happen. Over the next few months in various ways I'll roll things bit by bit. I appreciate your patience as I sorted things out this weekend and during the technical glitches that were out of my control in the last 2 weeks.

I'll be back later today with details on my newest 6 week challenge which started today. Today?

Oh shite! My brain got enough working out the last few days, time to get my @rse back to sweating

Racheal!

Find her over @ Sun Stare: "Ever do something you know you shouldn't be doing? This web site is one of those things..."

She shares her special day with the likes of daisy dukes wearing Jessica Simpson.

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Day 168

For the last 24 hours I've been in a bit of a fog over what happened in London. For the most part I've been trying not to think about it, I'm listening to the news but not actively. Mainly b/c I don't want to remember 9/11. I don't want the vivid details. I don't want to see people running and smoke. I don't want to see wreckage. I don't want a pit in my stomach the size of a grapefruit. I don't want to cry.

I was walking to the break room to get milk and my mind flashed to the people on the train. For an obscene moment I wondered if any who died was a woman, was she overweight? Did she feel guilty for eating too much the night before. Was someone trying to lose weight? Had they taken up running to prevent dying from a disease and then something like this happens?

It's so tragically sad and pointless. The bombings for sure but also having those guilty thoughts of silly things that tend to take over my day. I imagined what if there was a person who otherwise fretted about the minor things in their lives, being snubbed by so and so, arguing over this & thatt, hating themsevles b/c they don't look like "it" celebrity. Or for having cellulite or wrinkles or bad teeth. Did all that really matter in the last few moments.

Or?

Should life be about more. Living to the fullest. Not apologizing. Dreaming big. Asking for what you want. Not being scared. Not stifling one's inner & unique beauty. Not fucking apologizing to anyone for anything that makes one what they truly are.

To find that courage, to take that chance, to be that person, to me, matters more than all the lbs in the world.

Day 167

Day 166

Day 165

From time to time I've had "votes" on what view of the pudge pics I should use for the logo (which is now down for updating). I didn't plan to do it this go round, but as I'm updating the pudge pics, I realized how freaking indecisive I am. Halp!

Here are day 1 vs. day 163 (the end of the OCB challenge). While the crease isn't completely gone, and I got a bit snippy @ that, overall I'm happy. For one of the few times, I can *see* the changes with my own eyes.

I'm still working behind the scenes, so I'll be offline the next few days. I'll leave this entry up top till the weekend. Unlike previous times where I kept the score secret, even from me, this vote is open vote. Your first vote counts and as per usual whichever side gets the most votes, wins.

To those of you who've along the way tried to get me to see what you do, thanks

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams

Gah, I can't keep it in anymore. Yes I was going to hold off till the weekend to update the stats, and I still will, but there is one teensy weensy meaningless stat that has been lying on the tip of my tongue, dying to get out.

168.5

Ladies and gents, I am under 170...Waaaahoooooo yaaaaaaaa hooooooooozzzzlleeee

?!?!?

Officially carried away.

Day 164

"It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are." - E. E. Cummings

Looks like things have been fixed. The site looks sparse b/c I'm working on it while it's up...it's too much trouble to take it down and the error messages have me feeling skittish. I'll work on it bit by bit each afternoon this week. Which means the beloved pudge pics are delayed and you'll notice the logo is missing too. It'll be back this weekend. I took all my stats and measurements today and will update that as well over the weekend. Oh yea, I'll post the details about my new challenge over the weekend too. Man that's a lot to catch up on. Better get to work. Thanks for being patient

Keisha!

She's site-less but a frequent & favorite commenter

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Day 163

Day 162

Day 161

Day 160