To say the last week, has my aunti only been here a week?, has been insane is being generous and the rest of this week thru the weekend ain't lookin no better. I feel like I'm being pulled in too many directions and barely have time to gather my thoughts much less regale you all with exaggerated stories and anecdotes. I'll be offline till Sunday.

In the meantime, Round II of the Fat Fighters Yearlong Fitness Challenge starts in 4 weeks and I've been brainstorming on how to get and keep people playing.

If the challenge had a financial pot to win @ the end, say $100 bucks, in return for you diligently checking in every week and regardless of how much weight you lost, would you stick with it?

Neighbors that alternate between playing their music and TV LOUDLY till almost midnite. Rendering one's ability to wake up @ an insane hour to work out, impossible.

To say one is counting down the days till the lease expires is an understatement.

T-minus 124 days and counting.

[edited @ 5:32 fixed broken link, thx mystery emailer, whoever you are]

Day 50 podcast

Much shorter this week, 3 mins, much smaller, 3 megs, much sassier...well...you be the judge

189.6lbs

There are certain tricks I do to force/cajole myself into doing something. Now that I'm all about podcasting and I want to do it daily, what on earth can I find to talk about, that's fairly interesting and along the lines of what I want to provide on my site?

My challenge addled brain came up w/this: a Podcast Fitness Challenge!

For the first time in a few weeks I'm in a really good mood and can finally talk about one of the issues I've kept bottled in, till it played itself out, and how it's a stressful event, yet a really good one too. No I'm not w/child.

My aunti moved to the ATL on Tuesday ::jumps for joy::

Last year in anticipation of my iPod I made it my goal to locate every single obscure song I've ever loved or danced in my seat to. It took me a little over a year, I started this mission @ the end of Jan '05 but as of a two weeks ago I'm done, managing to snag the final song, the one used in the soundtrack for American Beauty that sorta sounds like an instrumental tune played @ a Jewish or Greek function and also has a bit of 80's War Games techo pop in it. My collection ended up being 920 songs plus a couple of recent soundtracks bringing the grand total to 1245.

My current dilemma: my iPod holds 5000 songs and since already finding 950 of my favorites, I haven't even started on my extensive CD collection. It's too early to tell, but I'm thinking I may be needing and upgrade already. :\

If you heard yesterday's Pre Show podcast, you'll know that over the weekend I finally forced myself to sit down and play w/iTunes. @ first I hated it, too complicated, I didn't know what I was doing which always makes me anxious but sometime between late Monday nite/early Tues morn, I started to long for it. In other words, I'm hooked. But it came @ a price.

Just before '05 ended, I signed up w/Flickr! and still need add new photos to it (Elle where do you find the time girlie? I'm so jealous!), which I'll do once I actually start taking photos.

I so love technology but last year I got overwhelmed by all that's out there. My fantasy device? An iPod that takes pictures, records audio, plays radio, browses the web, updates my blog and is a cell *drool*

This year, in addition to the daily site stuff, I'm expanding the offerings ever so slightly by jumping pudge first into the world of podcasting.

Shure it took me almost 5 years to get a CD player and just about that long to get a DVD player (you'll hear why in the podcast, link to it is below the fold) but I'm on board dammit and that's all that matters. I'll be playing around w/the sidebar over the next few days in order to promote the new feature. Last night I streamlined my feeds b/c honestly having links to Yahoo, AOL, Google, Pluck?!? is really too much. Now you feed-aholics can get your fix via 1 link no matter what feedreader you use and YAY! me I have 15 readers

Man, I don't know about you but we had some hellacious weather in the SE last week. On my way out last Monday morn I almost fainted when I saw what I believed to be snow on the roof of the bldg across from me. I ran back in to get my cam to document the horrific conditions.

188lbs

A trusted online palsie walsie sent me a note basically waving a white flag before approaching b/c she didn't want me to snap @ her......granted I have been Snappy McSnapsalot in the last two weeks, but I'm not just snarling for any ole reason.

Granted, one should never blog while mad, so most of the venom from yesterday has subsided as my anger levels go back to their ongoing state of nonexistence. It was just a tipping point ya kno?

No sooner do I write on MY site how I feel and how I process and internalize things do the TWO very things I mentioned that bug me to no end occur.

#1 - I get a spam comment, that while I haven't yet read all the comments to that entry but seeing an unfamiliar name and it being a dude no less, I decided to see what that person said. Only to read a 7-8 paragraph scribe about NOTHING more than promoting his site. I sent him a one sentence email that basically said, for spamming my site w/your effing nonsense go to hell. To which he replied, quoting my own comment policy:

Your contribution to my site is appreciated. On topic, off topic, no topic, have at it.

And I'm like look, I'm on fool. As Judge Judy says, don't piss on me and tell me it's raining. Off topic means I have a post about cats and someone says by the way are you still doing food battles. Or I have a post about a movie I saw and someone writes, I really like the pix of your kitties. Off-topic means it's still relevant to me in some capacity. So I sent him back the end of the policy that he neglected to quote "Spammers and their ilk will be banned."

Ok, so that's the first pisser.

Pisser #2, so I pull up my home page and right @ the top, my eyes skim a comment that I think too much to which it made her go Ugh.

Awwwwwwwwwwww.

To say my blood is boiling is an understatement and this approach, directly calling someone publicly out for what they did, is not my style but you know what, I figure you are woman enough to criticize me on my site, be woman enough to deal w/the response.

You say I think too much. You are absolutely godammed right. That is me to a tee. I mean like wow, you got me pegged for shure. What gave it away? My long drawn out emotional rantings from time to time? The fact that I pretty much admitted to being a deep thinker, a social critic of sorts, an observer of human behavior and if I wrote for a newspaper, it'd be on the opinion page b/c I'm full of it. Opinions that is, but you already knew that.

Here's the knee slapper about my overthinking ways, it also means I write a lot, check the archives, some days I had up to 6 posts a day, and here's the real funny, I actually went out and *tee-hee* paid for a domain name and I *snicker* pay a monthly hosting bill *guffaw* all so I can post my ongoing *rofl* overthinking thoughts on what's also known as MY SITE. *bwahahahaha!* Oh mercy. ::wipes tears::

For someone who has commented and emailed me offline before, I like you well enough, but here's the deal. As far as I know, you don't have a site or @ least you've never linked to it in comments.

I don't have the luxury to read your innermost thoughts and post a critical opinion on your personality traits. I don't read your views of yourself and happen to catch you @ a point, where for various REASONS YOU NEVER FULLY REVEALED on your site, you are feeling your absolute worse and turn around and post what pretty much amounts to "Get over yourself and oh by the way go read this site of a fabulously successful weight loss blogger who doesn't obsess over things" which if I scroll back to yesterday I already covered that in part c) of me expressing myself.

c) being completely misunderstood and being given various #'s and websites [snip] based on a single sentence

Alison, you had a choice, the instant you got to a sentence that made you think, damn this girl is thinking too much, you could've clicked that little x in the top right corner and went along your merry way. But no. You read the entire post. Went and found a link and came back to the comments to criticize.

You want to read day after day after day of nothing but the best. Stick w/reading Skwigg, who's real name is also Renee by the way so um yea I know her site thankyouverymuch. She also runs a Women's Yahoo Body For Life group. You prolly already knew that right? But oops there it is again.

Reading my 1 minute out of 1,440 others gives you the luxury of presuming to know what I am and am not aware of and giving me URLS for sites I already visit. And here I am unable to leave a comment to you where I interject my own presumptions on what I think you should be reading and being sure to let you know when what you wrote about your OWN SELF made me feel like, ugh. Since despite it being your site, it'll still be all about me and what I can tolerate reading.

So thanks a bunch. I am cured. My days of overthinking are over thanks to you. Well played.

Seriously girlfriend, especially if I've become a vested interest, don't read any site that irks you that much. Trust me, I know. I speak from experience. Last year I spent a lot of time reading a few sites that made me roll my eyes so much they got their own daily workout and of all areas of my body, they are the only part that did not gain weight (Hi Ohhhhh!)

Unless of course that's the look you are really going for, slimmed down eyeballs, which in that case keep reading, but really, don't.

Over the last few weeks I've come to understand why some weight loss bloggers go ghost. You get to the point where you've heard it all, said it all. You've absorbed all the info you could, gotten a grip on giving up certain ways while trying to adapt others. You've commiserated w/your peers till you felt like picking up a phone and calling one of your virtual buds. You've analyzed the media et al ad nausea. And yet, you keep gaining weight. I think that's the point where most people check out of the game. I'm going to tell you why I, despite coming really really close to, have not.

"Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn't make me stronger." - Lou Holtz

In order for me to bring myself to post the "Today I weigh" entry, update the stats in the middle column, add the current pic to the logo and post the day 35 pudge pics in this entry I must do it w/o any additional commentary.

In coming weeks I'll revisit the last two weeks in greater detail and will hopefully have gained some wisdom and insight in the process. For now, just for today, I'm not explaining or giving a backstory or excuse for anything. If I attempt to, I'll chicken out and either avoid the reality of it altogether. Or worse. I'll stay stuck.

189.6lbs

It just occurred to me how many times I said I was tired last week. @ least 2 posts, maybe more but I'm too tired, heh, to check.

It was more than tired, stressed is a better word. There is commercial that talks about stress causing weight gain. I've always sorta snorted @ it, not that I doubted it, I believe all the hormones cortisone etc explanations. But when I got on the scale Saturday and saw a 5lb gain, I became a true believer.

I didn't overeat my way to 5lbs and I did get my exercise on. So how can a seemingly mild mannered girl such as myself pack on 5lbs so quick? And I know it's packed on b/c on Friday I felt it. Like the rolls sprouted rolls. All of a sudden I couldn't hang my arms comfortably w/o feeling them brushing up against the sides. And I felt it under my arm. I literally have a new mini roll going on there. I can't believe it's new, yet I never felt if before.

But back to last week. What on earth happened? Well...a lot.

Man, I meant to be off from here today, just needing a bit of a mental break from things, but the feedback from Bethk, and all the comments for that matter, are still playing in my head.

I realize the topics on my site and the fatfighterblogs.com site has been quite a downer this week. I didn't plan for it @ all. I know in the past few days, I haven't made much quips about weight or even shown any gratuitous pudge pics. The lighter side will return, it always does, but that O article really touched me and I read it about a week before I mentioned it here. That it stayed w/me that long means it's one of those life changing moments.

Around this time 2 years ago, I went to a doc to find out why I wasn't losing weight. hypochondriac that I am, I swore I had diabetes or @ the very least PCOS. Anxiously waiting the results, she gave me a clean bill of health and then we had an awkward follow up conversation, that frankly, disturbed me.

The good news: I got one more signup! The great news: W/in one week I'm way ahead of where I estimated I'd be. And so ends the great experiment of me actively (writing public pleas) doing this thru my site. I appreciate the efforts.

Looks like a sista is gonna have to get uber creative to snag the final 16 sign ups.

The moment, I hope @ least 17 of you *snort*, have been waiting for...here's the sign up form for the laptop for my momma campaign/1GB iPod Shuffle giveaway.

Use it in good health!

The sign up form gets posted @ or around 9pm EST tonight.

I must really like you people b/c w/the Oscars noms just being announced and I, being the consummate moviegoer, really wanted to see Munich tonight. I meant to see it last night but I was too tired AND I had a Biggest Loser recap to get out to the masses. (That post is now updated w/pics and minor typos have been fixed. FYI in case you want to reread it. No pressure to do that just cuz it took me almost an hour to craft and it would be nice if you read it multiple times in return is all)

The movie being almost 3 hours means I won't get home till around 9:30 and though I did say the form would be posted @ or around 9, that little disclaimer was to buy me 2-3 mins, not 30. Today I planned to post an updated 9:45 time, but felt if someone read yesterdays entry and didn't make it back today but put a big post-it note on their screen to check this site @ 9 on the dot, I'd have let them down by being late.

Damn you people and your likeability.

So yea 9PM EST be here or be square, I'll do Munich next week.

Oh and to sweeten the deal just a *tad*, I'll give you the option of choosing $100 cash* instead of the Shuffle. This way if you already have a delicious mp3 player, you can go hog-wild over @ iTunes.

*cash is given via paypal, an online certificate of your choice like amazon.com or bn.com, an online cash card like amex or visa or a certificate to iTunes.

"Then give to the world the best you have, And the best will come back to you." - Madeline Bridges

[2/2 Update! NBC was nice enough to post pics on their site, so I've added some here to go along w/the commentary. Freaky how close I got it. And I fixed the spelling of Toni's name. Man I must have been really beat since it didn't even occur to me to use an I. I kept thinking people will be so confused when I say Tony and the word "she" behind it. Also took the time to remove the extra L from Daniela since she's now my 2-hour-a-day-work-out hero.]

********

Spoiler alert, don't read if you haven't seen the show. I did this on the fly so there will be extra typos and bad grammar to deal with.

Pre show

Reminder collage from last week, showing summary of how families got on the show.

Key moments, Blue Team (BT) Robert yelling, "You can't do this to people", Red Team (RT) Emily diagnosed with early stages of diabetes, damn again.

After 10 days on the ranch, the fams return home, lots of video confessionals ahead. Looks like they got gym equip, and trainers will be stalking them.

They'll spend the next 6 months maintaining new regimen, worrying about the competition, and tonight we will find out which fam gets their just deserts...cornball announcer said that not me

cue theme music. No singing from Renee tonigt, Renee is pooped. Bah.

Last week I launched an onsite plea to complete a laptop free site offer in return for cash. B/c I'm itching to get this to the mother unit when I see her in 3 weeks, this week I'm upping the stakes.

In addtion to being reimbursed, ONE of the people who:

- successfully signs up w/in 24 hours of me sending you the referral link AND
- completes an offer w/in 48 hours after signing up.

will win a brand new, like still in the box new, totally legit 1GB iPod Shuffle!

Oh and don't worry about shipping, I got that too. It'll ship out standard, if you want it get it quicker, you can cover that cost, but it's optional. For both our protection, it'll also be insured and require signature confirmation upon delivery.

How'd I get this Shuffle? Via the free site of course. I planned to use it myself, but that'd be real greedy since I already have a 20 giga. How much music does one girl need? Then I was going to make it a future giveaway for the fatfighterblogs.com site, but I'm working on having something better for those peeps. Then I was going to eBay it and use the money to pay off a credit card. That last part is what I still very badly want to do but I'll sacrifice that for now and use it as in incentive to get this laptop for my momma. (Side note for the people who've already signed up no need to do anything else, as soon as your offer is completed, you too will be eligible to win.)

However, for the sign ups I still need, I do have to modify things since a very delicious prize is now @ stake. The old deal was, sign up for an offer and regardless of cost, I'd pay you between $10-15. That deal no longer applies. See why it pays to be quick, earlier sign ups get/got $15 + chance to win.

For the Shuffle giveaway, it'll go a l'il sumthin' like this:

"Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help. - Thomas Fuller