Sadly NBC doesn't have their act together in time for me to get pics added to my recap. That'll learn them to quit doing 2 hour shows. If I'm feeling charitable, I'll come back and add pics when their site is updated. Till then, on with the show! [12/17 Update: Pictures have been added.]

The biggest loser finale is on and it's live, though portions are prerecorded. Ok.

StTWA appears and is so pretty in pink. She mentions tonight we'll finally learn the answer to who's not going to make the final weigh in, as we've been hearing about it all week. Hearing about it all week...really? I haven't heard a peep. Must fire my sources.

Now they show team grey aka The Homeys.

50 states united to lose...

...they keep calling The Homeys a nation...WTF? Are they insinuating the group of 50 weighs as much as 300 million nice dig NBC

The Homeys took rejection in stride, all hoping to come back to the ranch.

Geebus. Another damned recap. We did this last week Announcer guy...and believe you me, it's even less fun the 3rd go round.

@ yet another shot of the weigh in where Florida Wylie didn't lose weight. Looks like u got pwned Wylie!

I really don't like seeing them fat again.

Here are The Final Four stats when they left the ranch:

New York Erik 124lbs lost

Utah Heather 56 lbs lost

Florida Wylie 90lbs lost

Alaska Kai 77lbs lost

It's funny to see Kai when they show her week to week weigh ins. She goes from folding her arms across her belly to ending w/her hands on her hips.

Now they recap them @ home:

Heather is up 2lbs.

Kai is boozing it up w/her girls.

Temptation calls Erik in the form of crispy bacon. Oh it was Erik kickin' the scale. My bad, I called Heather.

Dammit Kai is on my screen again w/that fug cry.

The 4 finalists return for ONE LAST TIME! What was up w/last weeks ONE LAST TIME?

And now we hear the theme song for ONE LAST TIME.

As Renee recaps for ONE LAST TIME.

Ugh...it's gonna be a loooooooong nite.

hee StTWA has on black shoes...I knew she wouldn't let me down. She can run, but she can't hide from black.

The Homeys lost 2 tons and will be duking it out for 50k. The Eliminated will duke it out for 100k and The Final 4 will duke it out for the Jell-O grand prize of 250k.

Awww…the other dukees have no sponsors…*sniffle*

We now feature the scale, w/a lingering camera shot, which we all know is every fat persons fave friend. NOT!

The Homeys are looking good. 9 of them lost over 100lbs and quite a few were women. Trainer Bob and Kim must be kicking themselves for not picking a Homey.

Idaho Linda got married. Congrats Idaho. She gets a special witchy hug from StTWA.

Ohio Vicky, looks nice, is now a runner and also my hero. I ♥ you Vicky! She did a 10 miler and a ½ marathon. Were I man or were I gay…would u marry me Vicky?...hee

The two Homey finalists are Poppy from Joisey (Jersey). Wow she's a little tiny skinny Minnie ain't she?

...and Matthew from Maine. Both of them were losers that came back and got sent home, again, way to rub it in StTWA, when Homeys Jaron and Adrian stayed. StTWA asks Poppy her size, she was 22 and is now a size 2. Why didn't she ask dude his size?!?!?

Poppy steps up

232lbs -> 115lbs

At one point they teased w/95lbs and StTWA freaked out

She lost 117lbs/50.43% Yowza!

Matthew is up, he must lose 184lbs...and up next is a commercial break. Curses! As StTWA gabs w/Poppy even more about what size she is.

I'll be honest y'all I had no intention of recapping tonight...2 hours is exhausting and I so did not like the season of losers, but I dunno...once the show started, I perked up, next thing I know my fingers started typing and here I am. Consider yourself lucky

back

You mean Matthew still didn't get his skinny ass on the scale during that break. ::shakes fist @ Matthew::

2nd plug of the night, 24 Hour Fitness Chief of Something or Other is up saying he's proud of 'em and happy to give away 50k.

StTWA reminds us again that Poppy lost 117lbs, you can almost a "You Bitch!" after that reminder. heh

Matthew finally gets his skinny ass up on the scale.

366lbs -> 190lbs
He lost 176lbs/48.09%, Why'd she have to do the %-tage? Dude didn't lose 184lbs, game over…

Poppy won the loot, says she'll donate and gets a combo bear hug/pick up from Matthew.

StTWA threatens it will get more and more exciting all night long. I hope to hell so, we still have an hour and 40 minutes to go lady.

Now it's time for the Eliminated. Not to be confused w/The Departed (Which Jack, Leo, Mark and Martin just picked up Golden Globe nods for…wÒÓ†!)

My fave person in the world, Wonder Woman, I mean Minnesota Jennifer comes out. Very svelte...

Texas Tiffany...um...not too slim.

Massachusetts Nelson...ok...not very slim either.

Alabama Melinda...nice and slim looking.

Maryland Amy...hubba hubba hot stuff.

Washington Ken...WOWWWWWWWW nice & slender.

Indiana Pam. *crickets*

She looks fine.

Who?

California Brian...he always throws me for a loop...Hot dayum!!! Briannnnnnnnnnnnnnn is fioooone.

Tennessee Bobbbbbbbbbbbbbby. My favorite male...notsomuch a fan of the curly hair though, but ok.

Missouri Marty...good job.

North Dakota Adrian...hrmm...not a fan of that top or color, it makes her look too fleshy.

Arkansas Jaron...Wow he got very very skinny, almost sickly thin looking.

Now we look @ The Final 4 going home in limos.

Erik is nervous and excited. Has fears he'll gain weight. Knows he can go to a drive thru and there is no Bob to nag him.

Kai is amazed to be back home, excited too.

Wylie says it's like a dream to be back. Doesn't want to wake up.

Heather thinks motherhood is a great role. Hardest thing was to be away from her daughter. Knows she'll be a better mom from doing this.

Erik tears up @ the site of his block, does anyone out side of my hometown NY say "My block"?

Wylie's peeps scream when he walks in and are all sporting I ♥ Wylie tees. Heyyyyy that's my idea! *hrrmph*

Before he wanted to lose the weight, now he wants to win and say he's number 1. Oh and the 250k grand prizes is aiiiight too…

Here comes mommy...the peeps @ Heather's house look exactly like the peeps @ Wylie's house…*snerk*

Heather's daughter is so not paying her any attention… kids are so cute.

Hubby can't wait to get Heather in bed and take the weight off together…*cue 70's porn music* ::bowchica bow wow::

Kai struts her stuff into Alaska and her parents, that's her mom?!?! She looks pretty young! Mom thinks she's a babe. Dad thinks she's stunning. Her sis loss 20lbs other sis hired trainer, and both dad and mom are into fitness too.

Erik's wife and kids wait for him. Erik looks around for others. It's just them... I saw the camera guy ducking out of the shot…you don't count camera guy!

Awww one girl is crying...now I'm crying...damn this show. Excuse my while I wipe my eyes *sniffle*

By far Wylie has the BEST welcome home.

Wife says it's a new beginning…then takes him outside to show him something. Ooooohh they got me. They got me good. Everyone is outside and Erik is all like, now this is a welcome home and proceeds to shout, "Let's eat!" promptly followed by "Just kidding!" and I'm sure in a small voice also added "Not really".

More of The Final 4 later. Right now The Eliminated are changing their clothes and StTWA advises us to get our Kleenex. Too late sista, I'm using the sleeve of my robe.

commercial break

back

The 12 Former Ranchers are back and it's time to bring out the 2 peeps that hazed, I mean trained them. Kim gives high 5's and Bob gives group hugs. He also gets a slap on the rump from StTWA. She tells them they clean up well and bless Zeus Bob has cleaned up that damned mul-hawk...

They chat for a bit w/the 12. Jen was the first voted off. It gave her motivation and she was able to do it where her heart was. Man she is smoking HAWT!

Marty is mesmerized by his own muscles. He's so pleased w/all of it, he's staring @ himself while giving the interview. *yawn*

They'll be weighing in according to first voted off.

Jen's up
245lbs ->145lbs
lost 100lbs/40.82%. Nice job Jenny! Seriously try out for Wonder Woman, you can do it. She is in the lead for biggest eliminated loser.

Tiffany
255lbs -> 204lbs
51lbs/20%

Nelson
404lbs -> 335lbs
69lbs/17.08%

commercial break time

back

The Eliminated are stepping up to the scale ONE LAST TIME will Webster's Dictionary please ban that phrase from the English language.

Melinda up
236lbs -> 172lbs
64lbs/27.12

Amy up. Who? Oh right.

She had predicted when she lost weigh she'd be sexy...how right she was. Also promised she'd be looking good @ finale and boy did she deliver.

She must lose more than 106lbs to take the lead. StTWA tells her she looks like Christie Brinkley.

lost 106lbs/40.77%...wow...missed it by that much

I get it now, Wonder Woman vs. Super Model!

Side Show Ken is up...
He now works out w/wife and kids. @ 43 he feels like 25.

Needs to lose 146lbs
358lbs -> 197lbs he is in the lead.
Lost 161lbs/44.97%

See ya Wonder Woman

Pam up and is already shaking her head like no way I'm gonna beat that.

They show her @ home. She's giving her kids the gift of fitness and eating healthy.

247lbs -> 179lbs
68lbs/27.53%

Another commercial break, StTWA told me the last time that we'd know who won. Girlfriend, we can't continue to be friends if you insist on continuously lying to me.

back

Says we are getting close to the end. Not even close. We have an HOUR to go.

Brian up. He had gone from 190 up to 308. Needs to lose 138 to take the lead...man he is a hottie.

308lbs -> 152lbs
156lbs/50.65% HOLY CRAP! He's literally ½ the man he used to be.

He goes and hugs Bob. StTWA can't wait to get her greasy mitts on him. She's such a flirt. Though I don't blame her

He's lost more weight than his current weight. He tops Wylie and Jaron's puny 90lb middle schooler losses. Brian lost another Brian. BWAH!

Bobby looks like such a different man pre weight loss. Since going home, he has more energy to play w/his kids and the wife. Oh you scamp you…"play w/your wife"…I'll bet!

321lbs -> 225lbs
96lbs/29.91%

I think the winner should be the highest man and woman. I so wanted Wonder Woman to win something.

Marty the little work horse is up next.

Did his hair also get blonder?
Needs to lose 184lbs or as I said out loud, "Lose a Renee" *snerk*

365lbs -> 219lbs
146lbs/40%

Adrian up
Oh she sounds like the people from one of my fave movies. Fargo! Thank you flashback gods for not showing her cry fests.

227lbs -> 169lbs
58lbs/25.55%

Doesn't look too happy. She's 5lbs down from when she rejoined the ranch. Methinks Adrian shoulda just stayed @ home.

Jaron reminds me of dude from an earlier season who looked way too thin. He needs to lose 164lbs to beat Brian.

Of course it's a commercial break time.

Back as The Homeys chant, "Jaron. Jaron. Jaron." Take THAT ranchers. Homeys get told to zip it

I'm sorry to say, but Jaron just doesn't look very healthy. His face @ the final weigh looked good. Enough of my opinion, on w/the weigh in:

323lbs -> 163lbs
160lbs/49.54

Yea a 160lb man @ his height is way too thin. *shiver*

Brian won the loot...

...and gets a hearty hug from StTWA who eyes him up and down approvingly...she wants to keep him w/her on the stage...

Finally! We enter the last hour and it'll be all about The Final 4.

Though he's @ home w/loved ones, Erik feels alone. He thought it'd be easy @ home, but has distractions. He proceeds to haze his family w/Jell-O. Poor girls, they never saw it coming.

They show him @ the deli w/the temptations of food and smokes...

Heather, eating Quaker's weight control oatmeal

She's exhausted w/all the juggling. @ her daughter, little Bella, w/cornrows. Who is this Bob 2.0 trainer lugging Heather around? Is he also gunning for a job next season?

Shows her w/a 2lb weight gain. She doesn't want to workout. Not sure if she can make it to the finals.

Wylie's turn, as the crowd roars w/cheers. I knew his hostess w/the mostess skills would get him far. He works out like a fiend, it's the eating and calorie counting that's doing him in. He had pizza, started w/2 slices...

...and ended up eating the whole pie. He's not losing much weight and is frustrated.

They show him in the gym. Gawd he totally rawks and looks so hawt.

Kai is called the hottest chick in Alaska. Watch out polar ice caps, here she comes.

They show her out drinking w/her girls...

...we know what they say about those calories. Empty!

Next morning she regrets it. I HATE HER CRY! that is all

Next the moment we've been waiting for, The Final 4's transformation.

First up, we must speak w/Bob and Kim.

StTWA says everyone want Bob as a trainer, crowd cheers. Bob says don't wait till January 1st what you can start today. Sound from the crowd? *crickets*

Kim up. Says it's been overwhelming how it changed her life changing others lives. She tries not to cry.

One last montage of The Final 4 @ home.

Wylie is now a size 32...turns around to show off his new pants. And the sight of his ass garners plenty of whoops…

Kai runs in the mountains and snow. She is now a size 8, never been single digit before.

Heather says she's' not a quitter. She's never quit anything. Is that some foreshadowing brewing?

A teeny glimpse of Erik. WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! seeing him just gave me chills. Dayum he looks way different.

StTWA says the biggest loser will be revealed. Stop lying to me. You are not gonna reveal the biggest loser w/40 minutes left in the show.

commercial break time

back

Before coming to ranch, Wylie hid away in South Beach. He let his weight hold him back from visiting the beaches. Now the new Wylie busts through the screen. I heard someone yell, "Go!"

StTWA is giggling like a little school girl. Can't keep her paws off him. Calls him a handsome devil. I think it's cuz he's wearing her fave color, black.

She's so transparent. She profusely compliments someone who lost a ton of weight. The smaller losers just gets a terse, "Go weigh in".

So many I ♥ Wylie shirts. He's definitely the fan fave.

Kai's next. Though she's the life of the party, she always felt like the fat friend.

I'll try to quell my distaste of her and simply say, she looks...nice. Her and Wylie can't stop hugging. I wish she would stop w/the stupid faces. The face, the mouth, the head rolling. Gawd I can't stand this woman.

Erik battled life threatening diseases...

(Guess this means no Heather. YAY!)

...Good Lord Have Mercy, Erik is officially the Thin Man. Officially I say.

All three losers are sporting black.

Erik is unrecognizable. One of his little girls look like she'll cry. @ this point StTWA has lost control of the show and is in my head. She asks him if he get's recognized. He says no.

She's completely speechless. There is a Zeus!

Heather is actually here. WTF? I'm confused.

Who the hell does Kai keep mouthing I love you too over in Loser Nation?

Heather turns sideways and shows off her tummy...

...she signals 5. Um...a duh...does that mean she's 5 months preggers?! Forgive me, I'm a bit slow on the uptake

B/c she's preggers, she can't continue in the competition. Instead NBC gave her an early baby show and she gets a brand new baby nursery. She saw that gift coming a mile away. There wasn't one iota of surprise on her face. *yawn* I really need a yawning smiley dontcha think?

commercial break

After a shameless plugomercial for a brand new NBC show, we are back.

The Final 3 are now changed. They have on new T-shirts w/the map of the USA divided in ½ w/the left side being red and the right side being blue.

Hmmm…I think some of those Southern states would object to be called blue. That's civil war talk. *snerk*

Wylie feels comfortable to be in South Beach again. Now they show Erik's online friend who's making great progress. Felt that when Bob yelled @ Erik, he was also yelling @ him. Awwww.

StTWA says this year, the 50 from home…and trails off.

What the hell is she jabbering about? Note to NBC. Don't do this as a live show next year. Thanks much.

The goal of the 50 states was to lose 4000lbs by end of season

14,384lbs -> 10,103lbs or 287.68lbs per person -> 202.06lbs per person

lost 4281lbs...

...and what would that percentage be? thank heavens for the eyeroll smiley, I never tire of that one.

And now, in the most bizarre moment of the show, StTWA, the Announcer Guy and the Music Guy all have a fight for who goes next. Announcer guy talks over her, then stops. Music guy cues then stops. Someone is so gonna get fired for this foolishness.

Think of it as NBC losing weight. ZING!

commercial break

back

Good news for The Final 3. They'll all go home w/money...Kai just BUGS the hell out of me.

25k – third place
50k – second place (damn, The Eliminated got more, another unfair aspect of this show)
250k – biggest loser

Kai is up first. Someone please slap her w/all the mugging for the crowd.

Her experience on the show is called colorful. I have a different C word for her and colorful it ain't.

262lbs -> 144lbs
118lbs lost/45.04%

This is exactly why I didn't watch this chick all season. She's even more annoying live.

She's lost more than any female on The Biggest Loser ever. Can they also add that she's weighed more? No? Ok.

Wylie up

He was ashamed to go to the beach b/c he didn't want to take his shirt off…yet…he has taken his shirt of in front of millions. Makes being fat @ the beach not so bad anymore don't it? Heh.

He must lose ??lbs...I can't hear b/c Kai just screeched like a banshee. Kim goes up and proceeds to strip the shirt off of Wylie...

...he's now doing some muscle posing.

307lbs -> 178lbs
129lbs/42.02%

StTWA is so awful tonight. Her losers are doing whatever the hell they want off camera. She's shrieking @ them to come here, come down, go up. Poor thing.

I bet she wishes she was safely ensconced in black right about now. It's her happy place.

Erik needs to pull an 184lber to win it all.

commercial break time. 10 mins to go...Do you think they'll squeeze another break in?

back. Can I just say I hate that they are blaspheming the institution of Grease by turning it into a reality show. John Travolta must be rolling over in his grave.

It all comes down to this moment. Only the 185th moment of the finale.

Now it's Erik's gazillionth mini flashback. They had a lot of Bob in his recap. Oh right cuz he wouldn't stop pleading for his job.

My tummy is in knots...please don't be Kai.

407lbs -> 193lbs
214lbs lost!

He's a quarter of a millionaire. Bob runs out and gets his hug and to beg for a side job @ the deli.

StTWA yanks him away from Bob, she shoulda slapped Bob on the ass for the move, so she can officially announce Erik is the biggest loser. YaY!

Man this show was so anticlimactic. I don't care how many times StTWA screeched w/excitement. Nary a tear fell from my eyes after the first 15 mins. Either that or I'm a cold hearted beeyotch. I go w/the former.

Producer Glenn Weiss needs to get canned for his production of this show.

So that's all folks. Stay healthy and happy holidays. They did it, we can do it too. And remember what Bob said, "Don't wait till January first what you can do today".

I heard that.

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