30 Days of Love
March 04, 2007 by Renee @ 10:29 AMCategory: 30 Day Personal Challenge, Challenge Check In, Challenges, Fun Stuff
The last 30 day goal was to love & be nice to myself. How'd I do?
I wasn't lying when I said it was going to be hard. It was.
I originally started out making it a daily thing, but that got old by noon on day 1. Instead, I approached the month holistically. Looking @ all that I do and dislike and my interactions w/people and in small ways tried to improve.
I didn't do any frivolous stuff like going out to get manicures or facials or massages. Instead I dug deep on how I was feeling and think had a LOT to do w/the weekend I sorta crashed and burned. I don't talk about my money woes here, but the weekend I "lost it" and went for broke @ Captain D's, I spent a LOT of money I didn't need to be spending.
It was only when I was updating my money files, I noticed the timing and now, a few weeks later, I can look back and see I was in a lot of emotional pain. The usual stuff: disappointments, frustrations, fears, anxiety, etc, etc.
Coming out of it, I had a small epiphany. The external validation I was seeking, isn't necessary. One of the things I mentioned, can't remember where or how, was feeling bummed of not getting responses to something I announced. That situation made me think, well if I'm happy for me, what does it matter if no one else is?
I felt a bit free thinking that.
I can't say 100% today, 30 days later, I'm all like, "I LOVE ME SOME RENEE"...um...no.
But I do feel kinder towards her. In the last 2 weeks I've added things to my routine to take care of myself in areas I neglect. I've caught myself from thinking negative thoughts. I've taken time to do what I want to do and not let myself be manipulated or emotionally blackmailed, but most importantly I realized, if I don't like me, I can't expect myself to be truly comfortable in a relationship b/c every time the guy says he likes me, deep down I'll be thinking, he's either lying or if he knew the "real" me he wouldn't. I have to like me first before I am ready to receive that kind of attention.
Not to say I'll never date between now and then, but I think the way I dated before, where hollow I loves you's made me feel good, are not what I need, nor want.
This working on myself will be ongoing healing process, perhaps even a lifetime. I don't proclaim to have changed, or got it or a-ha-ed! overnight, but I am a teeny bit better.
GAH! It's been a long month. I'm emotionally spent and so ready to move onto the next challenge...
The goal for the next 30 days, 3/4 - 4/3, is 30 Days of Water.
I love drinking water. Really I do. But I lag, this month the goal will be to drink 1 gallon every single day.
Comments: 2
03.04.07 | Brian commented: Loving ourselves and being nice to ourselves is something that so many of us struggle with. I don't know whether we have trouble with it because of our weight or if our weight causes us to have this trouble.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter.
What does matter is that it's possible to break free from these kind of thought patterns. It fact, I think it's necessary to break free from them for our weight loss to be permanent.
Renee, if you have a chance, pick up a copy of Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr Maxwell Maltz. It's an old book with a lot of wisdom in it. It was instrumental in helping me change my thought patterns that led to my weight loss.
And please know that I believe in you and what you're doing. :-)
Brian
Note: Comments are now closed. Please use the contact form to leave a message.
I think it's great what you're doing! I love your optimism and attitude, it's very inspiring! Awesome, AWESOME job, Renee.