The past 2-3 weeks have been rough. I'm still getting over my cold, mostly sniffles, each day it gets less. But over the weekend and I was hit with KILLER cramps and as a whole 'nother set of body ailments set in. I was very tempted to not go to the gym either, feeling drained, achy and tired, but yesterday I went. First time in a week and the week before that I only did 2-3 days of 30 mins.
I had to go yesterday, if I put it off one more day, the slide into 3 months of not working out would've started. I had to derail that train. But what hurt me physically more than not working out for the last 7-10 days has been food.
Overeating on carbs to be specific.
I don't know what started it or what triggered it, but already feeling emotionally funky and getting sick and being lazy and a whole host of other excuses, I found myself eating out. A lot. And eating very refined carbs, lots of pasta and breads. It got so bad, I'd wake up starving, yet the after a few bites, I'd get queasy.
Each weekend, I'd vow to clean it up, but another crisis would occur, prevent me from shopping properly and I'd opt for the easy way out, eating out or buying easy to make stuff I'd find myself craving. It felt like a sickness. I felt totally out of control. And in a fog.
On Sunday, I finally got on the scale, my back up scale that's 2-3lbs more than the main one, it said 200.8. Tears came to my eyes. On Monday morning it said the same thing.
I felt like such a huge joke. A big fucking failure. I started resigning myself to just being 200lbs. I felt like I couldn't, didn't want to, wouldn't do this anymore. I hated thinking about weight, what was the point. I only keep gaining. The 10 or so days I don't workout, my weight shoots up. I felt all sorts of self defeating talk creeping up in my head. It'd be easier to just stop bothering, continue not to care and just let whatever happens happen.
I don't quite feel that way today and have been able to slowly pull my ship around and back on course for being healthy. I think why I didn't completely succumb is, I HATED feeling. It was a combination of me feeling out of control in my eating while simultaneously feeling sick to my stomach of what I was eating.
Yesterday was a carb free day. I made it. My tummy thanked me for it. I only ate veggies w/my meals and lots of cashews. I'm going to do that again today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
