Long time readers, if any are still around, or those w/eagle eyes may have noticed some vanishing things on the site. All those things pertain to weight and measurement. I have just gotten to a point where I can't do this anymore. I can't weigh in. I can't measure. I can't track calories.
It's an understatement to say it's a kick in the kick, when I remember what I weighed 5 years ago, 3 years ago, last year, I weighed less. Each year I've gone up 10, 15, 20lbs. And this all done while exercising and dieting under the guise of having a weight loss blog.
I'm tired of it. I'm sick of the same inane babble I find myself spouting. So I quit.
Originally, I was going to title this post, I Give Up. Instead I renamed it New Direction, as in, that's what I'm headed in.
For the foreseeable future, I'm only tracking my workouts and miles/mins. As far as eating. I'm going to eat foods I like, not attach any "this is bad" or "this is health food" to anything. I know what is good for my body, and I'll eat that in small portions. I also know what's not good for my body, and I'll eat that in small portions as well.
No more lofty goals of losing 12lbs in 12 weeks or 6lbs in 12 weeks or any lbs for that matter. All I want to do, all I want to be, is the healthiest Renee I can be. While I still have a "clothing fund" goal/reward, a few weekends back, I just went shopping for clothes @ my current size. Nice clothes. Not "this is my fat stage and I don't care what I look like clothes so long as they fit" clothes.
No more systems of reward/punishment. Of all things I've done, by far that has made me the most emotionally miserable. No more scales, I did the sacrilegious thing and *gasp* moved it from it's coveted spot b/c every daily weigher knows, you don't touch the scale lest you fugg w/it's calibration.
All along, all these years, deep down I've wanted to be 2 things: a healthy eater to ward of disease, make my skin glow, my hair grow and be a runner. That's all I'm working on from here on out.
That will take away MUCH of the navel grazing depressing posts I've been feeling as of late, and I can turn my attention to the positive side of being healthy. I am aimin' to put the fun in fitness, which would really mean I've coined my own word, funness™ (patent pending, don't steal my word, I'll cut ya).
If the end of the year comes and I'm still the exact same weight, bmi & bodyfat as I am today, yet I've walked, run, jogged, precored, elipped, arc trained and/or stairclimbed 1000 miles...I'd just have to say "Sobe it".
I have more to say on this, but right now, I've got to go see a treadmill about a 5 minute run.
