My mother left this morning, she'll be back on Wednesday.
I have to admit, for years when I'd read people's blogs who like lived w/others, be it hubby, baby or mommy, I couldn't figure out how they allowed that person to derail them.
I am now paying BIG TIME for my judgment.
It's Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd out here for a loser.
But I can't keep going in the wrong direction, just cuz I am no longer alone to workout in buck nekkedness. That is not an excuse.
A huge part of the problem is, I'm distracted, the house is a mess, it's hot, I went through a few weeks of a fairly deep depression and in coming months, my life will shake up again.
I'm using, not really on purpose, all those and things I haven't mention, like job and money woes, to just do nothing, or the bare minimum and to eat my troubles away.
For the first time I am terrified to get on the scale from weighing in just last freaking week. While it does me no good to harp on the past, I kinda can't help but wallow some days. Then I'm just not in a groove b/c I have no furniture, we have no kitchen, the bathroom was just finished last Friday and by finished I mean there is no hot water, still no sink, we've had no a/c, we were all sleeping in the same room so getting up @ insane AM was out of the question as was going to bed early.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have a home and yes in parts of the world people don't even have running water, much less indoor plumbing, so I'm grateful for the simple things...but still...
I can go on and on, but I think you get the point. All that remains is for me to make the best out of what I have now and make a plan to move forward the best way I can. To that extent, while my mother is not here and I'm not sharing a 44k dial up connection, don't get me started bitchin' about that gripe, this week, I am in pure, get my site current mode.
I can't even bring myself to looking @ my own homepage to see how outdated sections are. Put it like this, I moved out of the apartment the last week in July. I just found my pudge pic jeans last Monday. So not only is my site terribly out of date and bordering on going blank, my life is out synch as well.
So this week, I'll work on putting myself on a stricter routine and will have to (re)learn how to carve out some personal space where I can not only come into my room and workout, but I can get online for an hour or so. That's the biggest baby step I can take today.
On other thing that'll help me in the let's-stop-gaining-so-much-weight-already step is, going back to daily blogging, even if all I have to say is Callie is driving me crazy w/her shedding, so be it. When I'm off the site, unfortunately losing weight is also out of mind. Now I hope this doesn't mean I'm going to have to blog about this for the rest of my life, but what it does mean is, I feel a bit accountable to the readers I have and when I am not posting, I feel I can get away w/bad habits. If nothing else, daily posting will shame me back onto the str8 and narrow.
Tomorrow I'll get the pudge pics all posted and current...oy...that alone will take me an hour to upload one dang pic *grumbles*
