One of the things I loved most about my early days of anonymous blogging was, I did a lot of introspection. Somewhere along the line, as more people came and even commented, I became a performer. Later I became an entertainer and ultimately, I lost my own voice.

When I return the first week in November, I am going back to introspective posting. The problem w/entertaining is, everything is a story or event and like a sitcom, needs a cast of characters and a "happy ending" that also caused my bouts of bloggers block, anxiety to top my last tall tale and worse when I had an a-ha moment and wrote it in a profound way, yet emotionally I was still grappling w/putting things into action, I felt I could never write about that issue again.

How could I? I sat here and wrote "deep" thoughts about it. I had people write me and thank me profusely for my words or pat me on the back. God I felt like such a fraud. So that style of writing is out. So are reviews and miscellaneous topics. I will still cover those thing, but I will now do it solely on the fatfighterblogs.com site.

Now that I got that all off my chest, the good news is, my things will be here soon and the 8 pieces of furniture I put together this weekend has me feeling a LOT more organized. When the bed comes, I will feel tons better.

As far as weight is concerned, something about reading back what I said really hit me. I did a lot of soul searching and realized I've been living in denial about things for a very long time. I also felt a huge need to issue a mea culpa on snarking about other people.

From the safe distance of my computer, it felt harmless, but it's not. Granted when people go on TeeVee or put themselves out there it comes w/the territory, but it's no excuse for me not to acknowledge the real person behind the personality and I will do my best to always keep that in mind going forward.

Back to weight, I have decided to do an extremely radical approach. Something I have never done before, something all experts on…

To say the last 3 months was tumultuous is an understatement. Every time I get ready to post about what' s going on, I either become extremely overwhelmed or another urgent situation pops up. Then b/c I haven't caught up on what's going on, it's hard to just post "as normal" A viscous catch-22, so what I'll do instead, to get it out of my head, is just sum up some of what I've done:

I went to the gym, not once, not twice, but thrice in a row!! :o

When I went on Sunday, I felt like a kid who'd been put in the corner and was slinking back into good graces. I swore the desk clerk @ LAfitness was going to ream me a new one. Instead she smiled nicely and nodded me in. I figured it was b/c she was on the phone.

Yesterday, I sucked it up and went again. Fer shure today they'd bawl me out. I gingerly walked in, expecting ballons to drop from the ceiling or @ least some wailing sirens. Nothing.

Hmpph.

The last few weeks have been rough. Spirituall. Emotionally. Physically. Financially. Most people use January 1 to get a fresh start. I do but, but I also use my birthday, which'll be today. Don't believe me? Check out the list of birthdays in the bottom right column of the fatfighterblogs.com site. You'll see a bday smilie blowing a candle out in my honor.

See...told ya...the smilie never lies...anyhoo...

Overall, I'm feeling better. Not as morose as I have been the last few weeks and on the job front, that's looking up as well. Going through difficult times, it's hard to see things will improve, even if only slightly, so it's even harder to feel motivated to do anything, which makes the vicious cycle of feeling tired, too tired to workout, no energy, feeling tired, all the more real.

Right now I have to tend to a few more offline things, to get my head str8 again, and I can begin to climb out of my current funk. I guess I should look for the bright side and all the lessons that came out of this. The fact of the matter is, life happens. Period.

It's on me to figure out how not to let that derail what I'm doing to lose weight or use it as an excuse to indulge in excess food or spend loads of money, which are all things I've been doing in an attempt to "feel better".

Did I forget to mention I'm taking a night class on Tues, Thurs & Sat? I think so. So yea, I'm taking this class, started early this month, ends Thanksgiving weekend. Which means...No Biggest Loser Updates From Me. Oh well. I know I can watch online, but w/a a dial up connection, it'll be January before I'm able to wrap up what went down on the first episode. On a brighter note, DSL is scheduled for completion sometime in December. Just in time for Season 5.

Hard to focus on blogging the last few weeks, especially last week. I'm still waiting on some job news and once I hear back, I can mentally move forward. I tend to zoom in on what ever it is I'm doing 110% so not knowing and being in limbo drives me bonkers.

As soon as I know something about that part of my life, I can devote some brain cells back to this site. Till then, my site bids you a Happy First Day of Autumn!

I never quite understood, or perhaps related, to people struggling to lose weight while going through fights and drama w/their significant other. I have no significant other but am going through my own drama and the truth is, right now it's very hard to care about myself when all my emotional energy is spent feeling very very bad.

I really wish people would STOP saying Britney Spears looks fat. She does not and is not.

She may be a bit fleshy and by that I mean, her arms aren't rock hard and her stomach may be softer than BEFORE SHE FUCKING HAD TWO CHILDREN IN TWO GAWDAMNED YEARS...how about they pull off that feat before the bash her huh?

And what pisses me off is that stupid shit is coming from both men, who far as I know, can't pass a marble out their own pee pee, so who are they to talk about how the tummy of a mother of two should look...and from women. WOMEN!!! Y'all should know better.

Especially given that the majority of Americans are obese. So unless it's colt shaped 7 year old girls bashing Britney, every one who is, needs to don the same black outfit and post it a pic of themselves in it along w/their commentary.

I mean really. Fat?

What the fuck does that make me Shamu the whale? Shut up.

When I say Callie is crazy, I'm sure people think, oh how cute, that must just mean she's fiesty. NO! This chick is NUTS! Even my mother says she has ADD. If they made Ritalin for cats I tell ya...

So yea, this is my 2nd posting in a row. Hey, just cuz I said I'd get back to daily blogging didn't mean it was gonna be about my flabby gut ::

Speaking of gut. There outta be a law.

My mother left this morning, she'll be back on Wednesday.

I have to admit, for years when I'd read people's blogs who like lived w/others, be it hubby, baby or mommy, I couldn't figure out how they allowed that person to derail them.

I am now paying BIG TIME for my judgment.

It's Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd out here for a loser.

All that talk about being excited for The Biggest Loser to start and I promptly missed the show. I crashed @ 8pm and didn't wake up till the alarm went off this AM. I checked their site to see if they posted the episode online, doesn't look like it.

Oh well.

Looks like I'll have to scour reality tv blogs and forums to get a whiff of what happened.

The weekend was HECTIC. After living out of boxes and bags for over a month, I FINALLY unpacked my crap. Took just about the entire day yesterday, but I feel much better seeing my stuff and having things in a home. Took me ½ a second to find my nail clippers vs. tearing threw boxes for hours and weeks later not being able to find it.

On the fitness front, here's where things are at:

I was going to continue the train of thought from yesterday but the thing is, I lost interest. Being upset and depressed has a way of magnifying when I get into a reflective mood online. It's really best for me to lick my wounds, put it to paper offline, and be more proactive online.

Plus, I'm PAINFULLY aware of @ least 2 people I know in flesh and blood who read my site and as much as I try to pretend I don't know or that it doesn't bother me or that I don't care. I do, it does and it does.

That's how I felt this morning and for the better part of the last 3 weeks. Life has been EXTREMELY hectic and the truth is, I am not happy right now. W/anything or w/anyone.

Not that I walk around w/a big ole grin on my face 24/7, but in the last week I'm painfully aware, that I am frowning, I just feel down. None of that has anything to do w/weight, just where I am (or am not) in my life right now.

*sigh*

For the first time in about 3 weeks, today felt like the days when I had my rhythm going. I got up early, did my Couch to 5k and had a chilly banana-berry smoothie for breakfast...ahh...it gets no better than that.

I weighed in over the weekend, up 3lbs :sobs:

Not sure how "real" it is. For the first time in history, both the home scale and the scale @ the gym said the exact same things. Bastards.

Welp, got my computer hooked up, @ least the bare minimum, monitor, keyboard & hard drive. No camera, video or speakers.

Plus I'm still sharing a dial up connection so till my mom leaves town, my posting will be sporadic. In any event...it's good to be back

I'm all moved in. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh...I made the final drive and got HOME @ almost 11:30. It was a long day, but, I'm home.

My thighs, quads, calves, lower back, biceps & triceps are screaming sore. But I'm home.

DSL has been ordered, not sure when I'll get computer hooked up and no electricity in either bedroom and no phone line in living room, so it may be a few more days before I not only post, but get pudge pics and training journal etc, updated. But I'm home.

Callie seems to be enjoying her new digs. Places to investigate, things to sniff...large windows to gaze out of. When I get my energy back, I must share the tale on how she almost got stuck between the wall and bathtub, as in she slipped through a crack and how she reminded me to take her things before I moved out of the old place.

Right now the house is a HUGE mess. When I get in later, I need to re sort what I've packed so I can find my vitamins and scale and commonly used things. Everything is scattered about, though losing the scale isn't too bad...heh

The last two days eating has been awful. Yesterday I had a late breakfast @ noon and next time I had a chance to eat again was almost midnight. I did drink a lot and have found myself getting addicted to both frapachinos from Starbucks, loving the cinamon dolce, and McDonalds $1/larget sweet tea and iced coffee. Basically anything super cold has been hitting the spot. And now that my mini fridge is hooked up, I have two bottles of water that should be nice and chilly by the time I get in.

What else?

Oh, I hit the gym yesterday, before going to pack up the last of my things. And it was a sauna! I was drinking water and guzzled so fast, it dribbled down my shirt and felt...wonderful. So I looked around, sloppily guzzled some more...ahh...coolness.

Then I had the bright idea to pour the water on the top of my head. HEAVEN. So that's my new gym trick. Sure people were looking pretty grossed out to see me coming in a t-shirt that was practically plastered to me and soaking wet, surely they thought I sweated out all those fluids. But I was the one feeling nice and cool so there.

Later, as I was getting changed in the locker room a woman commented to me how humid it was in the gym. I thought it was just me feeling extremely hot and bothered. Too bad that pour ice cold water on top of your head trick doesn't jibe too well @ the 9-5.

Back when I get DSL up and running...(sorry for typos/grammar, as the title sez, I'm bone tired!)

It's been a looooooooooong time coming, but for the 3rd time in less than a year, I move again.

Friday we close on the house, I officially move out on the 31st, but being that I'm fed the hell up, as soon as we get the keys, I'm moving my stuff over and will continue to do so for the next 10 days.

It's one of the reasons I've been distracted and not too focused, on keeping the site updated. As far as getting my workout done, they are and suprisingly, I'm not letting stress and minor bouts of depression derail my eating.

Speaking of scary, I am scared to eat poultry. The site and smell of it makes my throat constrict and my tummy knot up.

Great, I thought to myself, what the hell am I going to eat now? I'm a picky enough eater as it is…then a tiny voice said…search your archives….and a searchin' I a went.

Turns out a few months back, I made a teeny tiny prediction I'd be a vegetarian come summer.

I think by next summer, when I move, again, and I am able to cook, again, I'll be more vegetarian than not and a little raw.

It's really scary how your mind plays tricks on you. It feels like forever and a day since I worked out, yet it was only Thursday, a scant 5 days ago. I think this is why I hesitate taking a day off, I still do, but I don't like to. One day turns into 5 very quickly. Then my mind starts feeling like all my stamina is lost and I have to start from day one.

Today I did 30 mins of walking. I wont get back to my current routine till the weekend. Tomorrow I'll do 45 and the rest of the week get back to my normal time, but I'll just wing it since everything is out of synch.

Hooray! I feel fine again. I went out about an hour ago to pick up my food for the week, drove and didn't feel woozy. Only thing is it's hot as hedes and the a/c isn't working so I'm sweltering in the room. I picked up a few bottles of ice tea and some ice.

Then I got my food from the home delivery place and grudgingly came in, the a/c in the car felt so good. I ended up eating after my earlier post, it was chicken sausage w/pasta. I ate all the pasta and a few bites of the sausage, spicy!

When I got in, I started to eat something else, the Sunday or Monday meal, but it was a roll w/chicken...*gags*...I really don't know if I'll be able to stomach poultry again.

I'm not hungry and scared to eat. I know I have to eat something, well lots of somethings and pretty regularly. I'm feeling a bit tired today, the headache finally stopped early this morning so I took today off, which is why I HAVE to eat for energy to head out tomorrow.

On a better note, water drinking is easier again, I'm proably still very dehyrdated, but compared to the 5 or so sips I had Friday, I had almost 25oz yesterday. I'm only drinking slow now b/c I'm running out and don't feel strong enough to drive, hence the need to eat...*sigh*...stupid catch 22

Just to sum up what I've had in the last few days since the poultry o' death:

Friday: 3/4's banana berry smoothie, 1/2 of which came back up later that day

Saturday: Bowl of green and red grapes (all of which rapidly exited the premies), chocolate milk (so soothing to the tummy), some pineapples, a spoonful of plain vanilla yogurt. An omellette w/2 slices of wheat bread, peach

Sunday: Turkey bacon, 1.5 roll, 1/2 egg burrito, arizona iced tea

Today: nothing so far, just water. I'm going to hunt in the fridge in a little bit.

I've been terribly sick since Friday. I think I got salmonella or e coli poisioning. Thursday night I had a turkey breast for dinner and b/c I was very hungry and it was hot and I was tired, I ate it 1/2 cold. The microwave wasn't heating it up properly, the sauce and rice got warm, so I just gave up trying.

Yah, it's cheezy, I know. Whatever.

I wont completely write off the first ½ of 2007 nor will I bitch about disappointments and such. Instead, I'm going to use my energies to make the last ½ of the year as productive as it can be. Meaning, I'm going to make my 1000 mile goal.

I finished week 5 of Couch to 5k!! [small voice]so what it took me a month?[/small voice]

As grouchy as I was to workout today...as reluctant as I was to run...I just sucked it up and did it. I'm also super proud to report for the last 4 weeks I've been doing week 5, during the running minutes, I did not stop once. I reeeeeeally wanted to. Most times I felt like my legs wouldn't make it, but I just summoned up the strength to go a few more seconds. I wonder if that feeling would ever pass? Today, I used music and the closed captioning on the TeeVee to get me through it all.

Has it already been a month?

This is my final week of week 5 in couch to 5k. Week 6 is the last week of run/walk combos then I'm on my own from here on out. So how do I feel? Am I ready to move on? Do I even like running?

I actually feel ok. What I'm most proud of, and I must knock on wood lest I jinx myself, is each run/walk or pure run, I haven't stopped once. Now I wanted to. I even had a time or two I held onto the treadmill, which by the way makes me feel worse. But I didn't stop.

Earlier in the spring, I shared gym time w/this woman. A few months went by and our schedules conflicted before I saw her again. Last week I saw her and was like, HOT DAMN she looks different.

Not necessarily skinnier, as she wasn't very overweight to begin with. More plump, no visible rolls, I can also tell b/c she sports a one piece unitard. But now she looks, toned, slender, different.

I couldn't help but wonder, do I appear the same way to someone who hasn't seen me in a few weeks?

Compared to last week, running was hard today. Mentally and physically. Mentally b/c I keep having the stupid word games going in my head how hard running is and physically b/c it's been a LOOOONG week for me offline. I can NOT believe it's only Thursday. Given the emotional rollercoaster I've been on since…Tuesday…it should be Saturday already.

So I bucked up and ran. This time to one of my fave drum and bass or is it trance or shall I call him house or techno…whatever…Mauro Picotto. He got me through some long nights @ the computer lab I tell ya.

Plus the beats are always good for a few seconds burst of energy as I try to focus on the music, and not so much the time. But other tricks get me through running.

::small voice::

I imagine I'm on The Biggest Loser.

!!!

So a hot new weight loss drug is coming to a store near you. Alli. I haven't seen commercials or ads for this, but saw lots of discussions on a few health & fitness boards I frequent. It's not that I'm a saint when it comes to diet pills *cough* but it's not a move I'm willing to make.

I caught a segment on the Today Show discussing it (GAWD I hate when media sites don't update to match what they discussed, so I can't provide a direct link to the story like I really want to.). After all the blah blah blahingg, a few things the medical correspondent said that firmly made up my mind. Well two things:

1) Oily discharge
2) Pack an extra pair of pants

Are you goddamned kidding me?

A little over 3 weeks ago, @ a random health screening my blood pressure was 148/74.

I was upset, hurt, a bit ashamed, but mostly mad. I set upon a misson to drop that number by any means necessary (no pills though) and for the next 3 weeks made exercise my top priorty and ate foods that naturally reduced blood pressure.

I got a follow up read today.

89,880 seconds of sweat sessions @ the gym...

equals

13,300 calories of fat burned off...

Which results in a net loss of how many lbs?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Alright, I'll reveal...

Today was the day all my Couch to 5k preparation for the last few months came in handy. My first str8 run, 20 whole mins. I've been looking forward to and dreading this day all week.

Is it wrong that I said a silent prayer and made the sign of the cross before the run began?

Is it even more wrong that I just lied about praying and making the sign of the cross?

Dammit.

I'm already on the slow boat to hell for a whole host of human transgressions, I s'pose I just speeded my trip up a tad.

Anyhooozle, back to the run.

Sure I've waxed poetic about running before. But this was different. For one, there was absolutely no rush. The other Couch to 5k jaunts went so quick, I didn't quite enjoy the process if building up my stamina as much as I was barreling through each week to tick it off my exercise checklist.

But first things first, before I run, I had to have my iPod filled w/enough tunes so I didn't have to watch the clock and enough beat, to keep my hype. These are the little diddies I chose:

Miles wise that is. Quarter two has been a rough one for me. I never even got around to making, or @ least writing about my goals. Then I had the month of April where I walked, ran, elipped, precored, arc trained and/or jogged a whopping 26.21 miles.

Pffft.

On a whim, I took one of those online test thingys for lapband surgery.

Hold onto to your drawers, I'm in NO WAY considering it. For other purposes, I got an email and wanted to check out the link. I saw where I could plug in height/weight/age and see if I "qualify".

I did.

I love my iPod, I truly do. It has hipped me to all things audiobooks, but lately, the little devil has the nerve to start freezing up on me. Which panicked me to my core I'm not due for another iPod for another 750 miles, give or take a hundred.

Luckily, I found a way to unfreeze it, but b/c I always forget and don't want a repeat of what happened yesterday, which was me all geared up to bust out 45 mins on the Precor only to hit start and see the stupid thing freeze, causing me to get off the Precor and walk around in a stupor as I debated whether or not to run back upstairs and get the charger, which led me to putting my water bottle down on the floor so I can make a quick run, then realizing if I made it back inside, I'd be loathe to come back out and I spun in one final circle and just got on the stupid machine where all I had to listen to was the thump thump of the girl on the treadmill…whew.

So for future reference and anyone else that this may help, Renee, this is how you unfreeze Geenee: Press on the clickwheel and Menu button @ the same time

I have high blood pressure.

A few months back, when I joined the fitness center, they did a reading and it was high/normal. Meaning the guy told me it was fine, but when I looked the number up online, it said prehypertension. I shrugged it off.

Last summer, on my way back from the gym, I got it read @ the machine in Target. It also said prehypertension. I shrugged it off thinking I just got through a strenuous work out, that musta been what caused it.

After my reading this morning, I can no longer afford to shrug it off. My pressure reading is 148/74.

So, this loverly cub I have (says thru gritted teeth) has been waking me up each and every morning for the last week. Wayyyyyyyy before the alarm goes off. Some mornings 2 hours before which makes Renee very very angry.

I am in an efficiency so I can't just put her out, though the last few mornings I've thought about just leaving the window open, but I don't want her out @ night.

Long time readers, if any are still around, or those w/eagle eyes may have noticed some vanishing things on the site. All those things pertain to weight and measurement. I have just gotten to a point where I can't do this anymore. I can't weigh in. I can't measure. I can't track calories.

It's an understatement to say it's a kick in the kick, when I remember what I weighed 5 years ago, 3 years ago, last year, I weighed less. Each year I've gone up 10, 15, 20lbs. And this all done while exercising and dieting under the guise of having a weight loss blog.

I'm tired of it. I'm sick of the same inane babble I find myself spouting. So I quit.

I got back to ATL late last night and brought a splitting headache w/me. So splitting, it was still w/me when I woke up this AM and took 2 doses of Tylenol to fade away by late afternoon.

Other than being a bit tired, I'm fine. I managed to get in 2 workouts whilst I was gone a BIG deal for me. And also ate clean every day from Tues to Frid. Saturday we both ate out.

I had a few light bulb moments during my time away and will get my thoughts sorted on what I'm feeling and what direction I'm going in, both personally and publiclly as it concerns my blog. Were I to be 100% honest, I emotionally checked out of blogging here a very long time ago and have just been going thru the motions.

I had to leave town and head to SC yesterday afternoon. I'll be offline till then and should be back in ATL by the weekend.

Last week went pretty well. I did a "mock trial" South Beach Diet's phase one. I say mock b/c it ended up being a spur of the moment thing and I had already went grocery shopping. From about Tuesday thru Friday, I didn't eat any refined carbs and by Friday night, I felt a TON better.

Over the weekend I had a smidge more carbs, finishing up what was in my fridge, but starting today, for the next 2 weeks (at least) I'm doing strict phase one. My menu plans are simple and 2 of my 6 meals will be a high protein shake (adding protein powder) or a smoothie. Breakfast is my famous egg bowl, lunch is a portion of protein (burger or chicken breast) w/beans and 1-2 veggies and dinner is a SBD frozen dinner (phase 1) to end the night on a sweet note, I have a sugar free fudgsicle and b/c it's only 40 calories, if I'm feeling snacky I can have 2. I'll also smother it in a few cashews. And that's pretty much it.

I know I've been lying low from my site the last few weeks. I dunno, I just needed some introspective time and sometimes when you introspect aloud, it sounds silly and repetitive.

The funny thing about getting sick 2 weeks ago, then getting cramps *cough* last week, was, in a nanosecond, all my "perfect" plans went down the drain. This weekend, I realized, I'm kinda grateful for getting sick.

The past 2-3 weeks have been rough. I'm still getting over my cold, mostly sniffles, each day it gets less. But over the weekend and I was hit with KILLER cramps and as a whole 'nother set of body ailments set in. I was very tempted to not go to the gym either, feeling drained, achy and tired, but yesterday I went. First time in a week and the week before that I only did 2-3 days of 30 mins.

I had to go yesterday, if I put it off one more day, the slide into 3 months of not working out would've started. I had to derail that train. But what hurt me physically more than not working out for the last 7-10 days has been food.

Overeating on carbs to be specific.

When I was in grade school, my mother always knew when I faked being sick. I'd get something like a hangnail and whine and moan on how I just couldn't possibly go to school that day. Then when I was really sick, goopy eyes & runny nose, I'd fight to get dressed. In my fever induced delirium, I HAD to go to school.

Today I had to get out of the house. The cat was driving me crazy. Plus, the fresh air and natural exercise, that involved doing more than sitting up to blow my schnoze, would make me feel better.

Feeling better today, took an extra day off to finish my medicine and rest up, I think I went back to work too fast last week. Getting wet & the temperature dropping didn't help.

My nose is still a bit congested, but not dripping/draining as much. Still loading up on the vitamin C and citrus drinks. I plan to be back @ work tomorrow and will take it easy workout wise for the rest of this week.

The last 24 hours have been awful. Feels like someone left the pipe running in the back of my nose and someone took a rake to the back of my throat and scraped the @$#$ out of it.

I've been taking the things I mentioned yesterday, every few hours, as well as fresh OJ and I need to drink more water, but I'm mostly sleeping. I also have slight chills, but when I get under the comforter, I'm burning up. Feeling a bit sore overall. My nose is now running more, though when I lie down, it drains down the back of my throat and every so often I have a bit of a cough and can feel the congestion in my chest.

I really thought it was my allergies acting up, I was sick last Tuesday but everything felt 100 times worse yesterday, so I don't know if it's cuz I only took allergy meds last week and just took a day off...or...if it was getting caugh in the rain over the weekend that made it all worse. Can it even be the flu @ this time of the year? Or just a really bad cold?

All rhetorical questions of course, a doctor would best be able to answer me and I'm feeling *slighty* better as I type this so unless I feel way worse in the morning or not much improved, I'll go see what's up. Okay going back for another 2-3 hour nap...forgot to mention, I've been alseep more than awake in the last 2 days.

Woke up yesterday and felt fine. I was out driving around and got caught in the rain, a few times I walked around w/o and umbrella. By the time I got home and I swallowed, the back of my throat/nose felt inflamed and dry.

I took a short nap and it felt worse. After I had dinner, it felt a bit better, but I spent most of the evening saying, "No way I'm getting sick...of all weeks...this week??? Figures."

I'm here, I'm here. Haven't fallen off the turnip truck, or the weight loss thingy...just INSANELY busy. I always am @ the end of the month. Plus the pollen has been falling steadily and wiped me out a few days.

I need to tweak my mission about for the next 3 - 4 months, I'll be moving again (3rd time in a year) so finding a place to live is my first priority. However, unlike the last few moves, that's not going to push my fitness focus out the window. I'll have more later, but won't be able to do daily updates for a while. Maybe once or twice a week. I have a food review for tomorrow then sometime next week I'll get into more specifics about what I plan to do.

Thanks for the emails!

[Warning: A rant ahead. Rant = To vent, spew, gnash ones teeth while shaking a trembling closed fist @ the sky. A string of loosely connected thoughts in an attempt to clear ones head and heart.]

I am so angry right now. I want to hit someone.

Last week I took Callie to be spayed. The entire experience was extremely traumatic for me, much less for her. To make it worse thinking she pulled out the stitches. the next day I frantically took her to her vet. The poor cat was in such a frenzied state, they had to gas her just to be able to look at her tummy.

As I sat in the waiting room, I'm thinking of all the ways I was going to break it to people my 7 month old kitty was dead b/c my negligence killed her. Luckily she was fine. Oh and the $130 charge I was hoping to avoid from her own vet for the spaying, which the clinic charged me $45, I ended up bending over any old way and paying $70 for a 10 minute check up and to be casually told, "Oh she's fine". So $15. I saved $15 freaking bucks overall. Wait. No I didn't b/c I spent $12.50 buying dust less cat litter, she refused to use and an e-Collar I would've lost an eye trying to wrap around her neck.

Then I lost all her wet food was in that stupid recall. I buy top brand/top dollar food b/c I don't want her to eat ground up pig snout and still I lose. All she had left to eat over the weekend was Pounce and cat nip. Which led me to start researching ways to make her own food or feeding her all natural food.

So last night, she was napping, and I was going to use the quiet time to trim her nails, when I noticed it was very short and ragged. I looked at another nail, same thing. I checked her entire paw. All her nails are gone. Both paws. All ragged and real close to the skin.

I just about hit the roof.

I interrupt this schedule of non-weight loss related posts to bring you a post specifically about my non weight loss.

*fumes*

I had to dig thru my archives to find this gem b/c today, for no real reason, I feel stuck.

This time, reading it again as if for the first time, I'm going to chime in w/exactly how I'm feeling today.

I spent most of the last few days coming up w/a better game plan for me. I feel confident enough I have exercise down. I like my routine. I feel the urge to go to the gym and I pack a pretty mean gym bag. Which leaves...food...

Also in the last few days, I've come to accept, I HAVE to track my food. I suffer from either not eating enough or what I'm eating being out of balance. So I first made a meal plan of things I know I'd eat...then I plugged it in fitday, to see how nutritionally balanced it was, I'm striving for 50/25/25 (carbs, protein, fat) and tweaked it a bit to ensure the calories were over 1500 and under 1800.

Then...

Not weight. Not body fat. Not inches. Damn near my mind. And it all started w/the scale.

All last week, the daily weigh-ins were leaving me in a grumpy mood, but not too grumpy, I was figuring any day now I'll see a big whoosh drop. The day I expected the whoosh to kick in, it didn't and I was on my way to having a maintain or even a gain from the week before. I saw red.

Saturday AM, I glimpsed 189, but it wasn't official, so I just filed it away. Sunday AM I saw 191 and all hell broke loose. But not so much hell as the dam that was holding back pent up emotions just caved and I spent the entire 3 day weekend in bed. Sleeping. Too tired to get up to do much more than I had to, then I slept again.

The emotions ran the gamut.

I am in a somber mood today.

I take my role as a public weight loss blogger extremely seriously. Perhaps @ times, too seriously, but that's my own personal demons to battle. I post things I like, don't like, do, don't do w/the acute awareness that my words and actions can be influential to a few folks.

To that end, I try to be as honest and forthcoming as I can in demystifying the whole weight loss experience that one doesn't wake up overnight and voila become 60lbs lighter. It's a day after day struggle, victory, setbacks & huzzahs. The damn thing is a process.

And in that process...you try things.

I've alluded to doing this before, but I'm never specific, again b/c I know it may influence someone else and b/c I always due my own extensive research before I try something as benign as eating fruit to as radical as diet pills.

Coming off the news of of Anna Nicole Smith's passing yesterday, and while there are tons of factors that could've led up to her death, including harboring an unhealed broken heart after losing her son, last night, I made a decision to never ever again use diet pills.

This post isn't a call to promote any new fangled diet pill, to slam me for my own use, or attack that industry as a whole. I am not saying her use of diet pills contributed to her death, but I do have a right to voice an opinion and share my thoughts on how something makes me feel.

That said, below, I'll share my own history w/diet pills and at the end, while I don't particularly like to steer comments in any given direction, if you'd like to share your own history w/diet pills (I'd rather you not name specific names yea or nay) or your feelings on Anna or the extreme measures people use to lose weight, feel free.

So I started off the year, w/my first workout being done in bare feet. Today I reached a new low, or perhaps I should say high as it's the only way to go after baring feet...I worked out in clogs.

I have absolutely no idea what loving myself means. Sure on a literal level, I get it. Love yourself. Fine. But on a practical level, I'm twiddling my thumbs on today, day 2 of 30 days of love.

Challenge me to do something physical, say run, no problem. Tell me to look myself square in the eye and really see what the mirror reflects, I feel like I will literally die.

Yesterday and today I did a feeble, positive affirmation, in my head. Later in the month, I have ideas of various things I can treat myself too, like manicures, a facial etc, but they seem so superficial. I'm not sure how I even begin to scratch the surface of how I feel about myself.

Both literally and figuratively. I think this is the first time I left the house to see the sun shining in over a week, and I am feeling a whole let better. So good in fact, I didn't even groan @ the thought of working out today, which I did yesterday, and ended up doing a ½ ass 30 min walking in place b/c of that whole 30 mins/365 days pledge I made in what now feels like decades ago.

I also didn't wake up ravenous, my stomach no longer felt bulging and distended, just it's normal soft and pudgy self and the low grade body ache that's been plaguing me, is slowly fading a way.

Ugh...

I'm seriously taking a PMS beating my friends so I'll be off from posting here till I feel even a teensy bit better. When I'm not doubled over in excrutiating back, tummy and *cough-girlybits-cough* pain, I am hopped up on the drug that is Midol.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if childbirth is even 10% of what this feels like, hand me the adoption papers. Stat!

That and this further proves that the Man upstairs is in fact a man and not a woman. No way would a woman devise this for us to go thru. No way. B/c the mood I'm in now, I want to inflict serious pain on the male species, I see men and I turn to thoughts of wrapping my fingers around their necks and squeezing. Hard. >:[

When I see women...meh...notsomuch...

Back laters

My local supermarket, Kroger, had a HUGE! sale on Lean Cuisines, 6 for $10! Do you know how cheap that is? 1.6666666666666666666666666666667 per box! But this is how they hook you, sell it @ a dirt cheap price and when you get addicted to the yumminess, jack it up another dollar. Bastards.

Normally one of these bad boys cost $3. I always told myself when they had them @ a good price, I was going to stock up, and stock up I did.

Not One Stitch

A very very bad habit of mine is to buy clothes. Ok, it's really a necessity, but not how I do it. I end up going on mini shopping sprees every 3 months or so, after finding out my current clothes no longer fit, and not in a good, WOW I'm a smaller size kinda way, but in the SONOFABITCH I have to go up 2 sizes sucky kinda way.

This year, my ultimate reward is to go on a true shopping spree when I both reach my weight loss and 1000 mile goal (see below). Till then I am not buying a stitch of clothes. No shoes, no socks, no underwear, no shirts, no pants, no bras. Nothing.

How can that last?

Fairly easy.

As far as I'm concerned, the past is the past. Every success or failure I've had in the last 2 years on this site, all have led me to this point. I've gone extreme, I've kept it simple. I've had short term challenges, long term challenges. I've had group challenges, non-weight related challenges, food challenges ad nausea.

I start 2007 with 2 basic challenges that'll run the duration of the year.

One night while doing my fast, I took some time to clean out my email box and came across the quote I posted to mark the New Year. It's an oft repeated quote, and as much as I've read it before, I really read it that night.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." - Chinese Proverb

The thousand miles part kept playing in my head.

I did a quickie calculation to see if that can be done in a year. It's a bit under 3 miles a day and if 10,000 steps roughly equals 5 miles, 3 miles should be +/- 6,000 steps.

That's goal number 1.

Goal number 2 came to me the last week in December.

Sometime in Nov/Dec I made an internal vow to do 30 mins of physical activity every single day in 2007. Back then I saw myself, in the future, waking up bright and early knocking out a 30, nay! 45 double nay!, 60 minute workout. Sweat dripping down my brow, heart pumping! I was gonna ring in the New Year right on track.

Except I didn't.

10 Days of fasting done!

Man oh man oh man...the last 24-48-72 hours since my 7 day post has been rough. Let's just keep this tidbit between the two of us, but I almost didn't think I'd make it. That's why I didn't really talk about it much further and wasn't ready to answer questions.

My last meal was somewhere around 8pm on 12/5. Technically I could've eaten last night as soon as the clock ticked 8:10pm, but I didn't. I went out and got my OJ for the next two days and by Monday lunchtime I'll be back to food, starting w/ fresh fruit and veggies. Yummers!

Hard to believe but the only solid thing to enter my mouth in the last 10 days has been.........a tongue scraper

What? Were you thinking something else? Get your mind out the gutter perv.

My starting weight on Day 1 was 196.2. Today's weigh in is: 185.2. (Dammit I shoulda took that day 30 update pic on day 35 )

Keep in mind, it's common to "regain" ½ of weight loss during fasting and also this really cool point I gleaned from a fasting forum:

this is a cleansing diet, not a weight loss diet. If one comes in here expecting to lose alot of weight, it might be or might not be possible. I know some that have lost as little as 5 pounds and those who have lost 12+. I know people that could keep their weight off, and others who have not. This is about cleaning out the gunk and getting toxins and poisons out first and foremost, weight loss secondary.

Below I'll reply to questions and comments a few of you posted 4 days ago

Two Sundays ago I was 198.6lbs, today I am 190.6.

And the fast rages on. Now this wasn't solely about weight loss, I mean I ain't gonna lie. I'm not gonna purposely pack on the lbs, and if they scale feels like going down in the process, I ain't gonna fight it either

But it was more than that. I've had too many epiphanies to put into words. I'll likely make that this weeks video. But in about 8 hours from now, I will have officially went w/o solid food for 7 days.

How do I feel? How am I coping? Am I going crazy? Am I not hungry? Do I want to murder someone right about now? Lol

Fine
Ok
No
Sometimes
Um…yes

All in all it's been a wonderful experience. The biggest lesson I'm getting is willpower and control. I joked w/someone that when Callie's food started look appetizing, it'll be time to stop. Her food is still safe

Technical Update: Support knows about the errors and did something that may have fixed it. If you still can't comment, meaning you get an error page w/Bart Simpsons face, please continue to report it. Thanks!

********

I've gotten some replies to my upcoming fast and wanted to address some of the concerns. First and foremost the fast isn't to lose weight. Matter of fact when I start, and it's looking to be Sunday not Friday, I'm doing away w/my weekly 1lb goals. I'll still track my weight and take the daily pudge pic, but all of that is mainly for historical reasons.

My body and mind just feel like sludge. Yes eating more balanced in the last few weeks has me feeling better overall, but the habits I got myself into prior to that remain. I'm scarfing down my food. I'm not chewing fully. I'm not eating when hungry. I'm eating while I'm distracted by the TV or web. Food doesn't taste like anything. I'm not even hungry.

For the most part, my digestive system just feels like it needs a break. But it's more than that.

Ok, it's crazy late, I *should* be in bed, but I promised all emails will be answered this weekend and welp, I'm gonna get it done.

But I had to stop, mid-reply to say, I truly have some of the nicest people reading my site. From the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

Only now am I reading the comments left on my goodbye cruel blogosphere entry.

To be honest, when my writing is vulnerable and heartfelt, it's kinda embarassing. I tend to close the browser and walk away. And when things are bad, my wallowing can tip me into full blown depression so I had to work hard to stay emotionally above water. It's only now that I feel strong enough to go thru them and they are all such touching and are making me smile, a global, Thanks All!, won't do. So while I'm personally writing each of you back, I just had to say it for the record on my site, y'all are great

I s'pose one of the key words in The Comeback Chick is, come back. *groan* Sorry y'all October was just my busy season. You know how tax people's season is April. And the beach's season is July and hot dog Season starts in May and the leaves even have a season in September? Well October is my busy season. Add to the fact that the end of the month is always hectic for me and I was doubly busy.

Oh and my mom came to town. Always a treat. So it threw my Sunday restart for a loop, which didn't just involve making myself familiar w/all sorts of cardio machines, but on a personal level I need to take care of things and couldn't get those done either.

Good news is, this is a 3 day weekend, so I can tackle those things on Friday and still have a full weekend ahead. I'll be back in the gym on Sunday. I'll have my healthy eats lined up Monday evening, more on that later, and as for posting here, I thought about it long and hard, and I'm going to cut back from the daily gab fest.

My training journal will have my exercise routine for the day, if any, fitday will have my daily eats and my pictorial blog will have the daily pudge pic and weigh in. That leaves me to just talk on the blog, and as I'm still feeling a bit word-less, taking the pressure of myself to write about a scintillating topic everyday helps. I'm thinking, for the rest of the year I'll post 2-3 times a week. (watch me do it daily once I get back into the habit…heh)

Ok, back on Sunday. For reals this time and I'm still going thru emails, all will get answered over the weekend!!

Hey all,

I'm just about ready to get back online, I've avoided my two weight loss sites b/c I needed to step back and decompress. There is so much going on and it'll be a mess to try to write it all out. I may talk it out later this week.

There's been no weighing in, no measuring, no picture taking since my last post. I really got to a pretty dark emotional place and just needed some time to get myself together and not just referring to weight. That's why those measures of me were pretty low on my priority list.

Alls I know is I'm ready to get back to being Renee. That step encompasses more than losing weight. For almost 6 years now, I've dropped out of my own life. I let a bad relationship derail me and spent most of that time being hurt, angry and depressed. Shure on the surface I appeared fine, but then again, maybe I didn't.

I let myself go in more ways than just weight and the more I slid backwards, the angrier I got and the less I cared and the further I slid.

There's much to be done to get my direction back, but the one thing I learned in my "away time" it's my life and I'm the only one that gets to live it.

I also learned, I need to be solidly focused on me. I've been lurking @ a blog where this guy got himself into a boatload of trouble. Comment after comment called him all sorts of names, questioned his marriage and basically laughed their ass off @ his predicament. Yet post after post, he came back w/the same optimistic outlook, never explained or defended his actions and is basically doing what he needs to do.

I don't know if it's a woman thing…an overweight thing…and insecure thing…but comparing him to me, I'd be the complete opposite. I'd recoil from the name calling, constantly explain why my hubby (were I married) and I were in fact doing okay and resent people kicking me when I was done.

Then it hit me, that is so much wasted energy isn't it? I can't say I'll change overnight and co-opt a devil may care attitude while suppressing the desire to help others, even when my own life is falling apart. It'll be a huge effort. It was just such a freeing thought and concept, I'm open & willing to giving it a try.

I will be sure to reply to the comments of my farewell post and if you wrote me offline, I'll reply to that too (By the way Q, I see you weren't able to comment here, I fixed that!)

It'll be dicey if I get a chance to post again this week, but I plan to get back to my daily blog on Sunday and will share more stories I've been suppressing and if I haven't talked it thru by then I'll tell y'all what my mom said that really hurt my feelings, why my birthday depressed me & set the ball in motion of spriraling out of control, a bad shopping experience, coming to terms w/me as I am, the WNTW show & how it's giving me hope and lastly how Callie the Kitten is driving me batshit crazy!!!

Thanks for reading...and caring...

In one form or another, I've been blogging pretty much non-stop since 2001. Add to the fact that I've been "trying" to lose weight for 5 years and am about 40lbs heavier, I'm truly @ a loss for words.

The week leading up to my bday was pretty crappy, week of my bday was still crappy and the week following my bday has been the worst of the year. Having spilled my guts on this site in the past and basically been told to get over myself, I'm too gun-shy to get into what's going on. I'm just so very tired.

For almost a year now I've lost control of things in my life and after promise and promise of what I'm going to get done when and publicly failing, I can't do it anymore. As for the fatfighters challenge, I'm moving that to the spark site.

While I will be back, no promises on when I'll be back to a regular schedule. In the interim, I'd happily post pics of the new kitten, but I can't even muster up the energy to get the flicks off my camera.

Back soon. - Renee

It wasn't enough to go and poke a kitten, I somehow managed to get one stuck on my finger and well, brought her back home. Ladies and Gent, I present you 6 week old Cali Raya:

You can call her Cali, when she's being naughty I reserve the right to call her by her full name, "Cali Raya [insert Renee's last name here], you stop that right now!"

She's a sweetie pie and yes the daughter of the famous Maggie...

...and baby sister of the 6 month old Bad Boy Mykah...

...but mostly, my new furkid, or shall I say furbaby as I've spent the last few nights, feeding, wiping her butt and consoling her fear of human hands.

*sigh*

I am wearing a pair of size 16 pants that are so tight, my mid section overlaps, like muffin top. All the while, the leg areas are so tight; my thighs look like sausage casings. Couple all that w/the succulent fat, what more can any man want?

I sez, what more can any many want?

::singing::

Today...is a special day...a day where everything will go my way...it's my birthday...it's my birthday...it's my birthday...it's my birthday.

::singing::

I'm not a huge fan of talking about my own bday, but who am I to deprive y'all of a chance to...hee...I called my mom to get the exact time of my birth so I could post this entry to the exact moment, but I can't wait that long!!!

Apparently I was birthed a little after lunch. She had some stomach pains, but couldn't believe she was going into labor, went to my uncles house to have lunch, stomach kept hurting, went to the hospital and less than an hour later I was born. I always knew I was an easy going kinda chick, now I learn I gave my mom an easy going kinda birth.

I have more to say, about this day and what's going on w/me in general, but for now, I'll just sing...

::it's my birthday...it's my birthday...it's my birthday...it's my birthday::

My weekend was pretty okay. I went to the movies Saturday, just to get out for a bit, I was feeling overwhelmed w/all the unpacking I still needed to do. By Sunday, I was up for the challenge of getting all my clothes crammed into the closet. Staying in all weekend, I vegged out on TeeVee, which I hadn't been watching much of, but since I plopped the tube in front the bed, and the computer was way across the room in Bug-stackistan, I figured I was better off staying in bed w/the remote in one hand and my trusty can o' Raid Country Fresh Scent in the other.

Sat night, I caught a program on TLC called The Shrinking Woman, she weighed 600lbs, had bariatric surgery and was now left w/a body that was pretty much a mess. Before I get into how that show scared me str8, a quick aside.

I also watched, for the first time in my entire life, The Simple Life. Why? Nothing else was on, and the teaser did it's job, it sucked me in. I'll never watch that show again, 2 episodes was more than enough thankyouverymuch, but I must admit, the scene, where Paris encountered what she called a cockroach, but looked like a huge beetle, and she simultaneously tried to squish it, while running away screaming, had my rolling in the bed laughing (note, I did not say floor). Then when she took the leaf blower and blew that sucker out the door, I had to give it up to her for creativity and started googling my own mini leaf blower.

Okay, back to the real topic, life post surgery.

Now, I don't make judgments on people who opt to do surgery, to each her own, but I know that's not an option for me. No matter how frustrating losing weight is. When I was signing up for L.A. Fitness, and the sales guy tried to convince me of paying the initiation fee, he made some comment like, If you can go to the store and spend that $100 on a drink that'll shed all your weight now, you'd to it won't you. And I said no. And he was like, yeah right, come on. And I was like, I'm not losing weight so much to lose weight as I am to be healthy and physically fit. He still gave me a skeptical look, but we all know how that story ends don't we?

But this woman, who'd been abused as a kid and food was used as a sign of love by her mom, was always overweight, in her 20's she hit 300lbs and when her dad died, she blew up to 600. She needed to get surgery to remove the lining in her uterine, she was hemorrhaging, and while no other doctor would perform gastric bypass, too risky @ her size, one doctor would, so she did the duodenal switch.

Over the course of 3 years, she got down to about 225, but when she took off her clothes, good lord the loose skin. She was surrounded in it and opted to get plastic surgery to repair it.

The entire hour was about her experience, the ups and downs, and while the end result was she managed to shed about 20-40lbs in excess skin, I believe she got down to 180-something, after seeing what I saw, I knew I couldn't do it. Talk about pain.

So Monday PM I was scouting around town for a new gym. I had my eye on 4. The Y, Gold's again, L.A. Fitness and Colony Square Athletic Center. Each had there own perks & pitfalls

The Y
Perks: Opens early, on the way coming and going, the closest of all, nice way of tracking progress with a swipe card, free coaching for 6 months.
Pitfalls: very very expensive, small facility, 2-3 cardio machines of each kind, felt claustrophobic, did I mention how expensive it was?

Gold's
Perks: simple transfer of membership, I already know the facility.
Pitfalls: located downtown, no off-street parking. Very much out of my way.

Colony Square
Perk: paid indoor parking, $10 cheaper than Gold's
Pitfall: still out of my way.

L.A. Fitness
Perk, in a shopping center, plentiful parking, open @ 5 am
Pitfall: initiation fee.

I set out to destroy that last Pitfall.

In the last 3 weeks, 3 people have either asked or pointed out that I've lost weight. Which in various ways is both alarming and flattering.

First observation was about 3 weeks ago, I was standing the in the driveway when a friend of my aunt's asked, "Are you losing weight?" Usually a question like that gets me all flustered, but I slowly gulped and said, "Well I have been going to the gym." She nodded enthusiastically and said, "Yes, yes, I can see it." I quickly changed the subject and left.

Welp, I'm all moved in, have been since Saturday, but I've been kinda down and all the activity and drama hit me once I got to the new place, I spent most of the weekend sleeping. Don't get me wrong, in the long run it's all for the best, the commute alone is what makes it all worth it. That and I feel connected to the city again, but I didn't much like how things went down w/my family and the new place ain't all it's cracked up to be.

There are bugs. Lots of them. Spiders. Crickets. Small black crawly things. And worst of all, the one bug that makes me not able to sleep…the one bug that makes me completely lose my appetite, the one bug that makes me want to pack all my crap up and get the hell outta there…the waterbug…better known as the giant cockroach or as they call them in the south, palmetto bugs.

So one of my moving/new apartment DIY project is to turn a 4 steel shelf thingy into a 7 shelf thingy. Problem is, I can't drill the steel. Oh how I tried. After almost losing a good drill bit from my cordless screwdriver then finding out the titanium drill bit the 'Tool Professional' @ Lowes suggested didn't work, I had the bright idea to hammer a hole in the thing. But w/what I say? W/what.

An Ice pick!

There is a sign in IKEA that says something like "30,000 people walk across this flooring every week." As I left yesterday, the kindly gentleman that says "Have a nice day, the travelator is to the right!", made his usual spiel. Then, upon seeing my face said, "Do you live near here? You're in here a lot!"

30,000 people a week.

He recognized me.

That should answer all concerns on my whereabouts and why I've been MIA from the blog for over a week. If you really must talk to me, you can find me in Storage & Organization

Just 2 more trips till I'm all yours.

Ever had one of those morning where you pick up a pair of black pants, b/c they'll be so "slimming" and the pants look as wide as a hot air balloon. And you tell yourself, no way those things are gonna fit…No way. Yet, much to your chagrin, not only do those fuckers fit, they have the nerve to struggle over the hips and on top of that...be TIGHT!

Yah...it's one of those days.

2 more days before serenity returns, 2 more days.

Oh how I've missed my blog ::blows air kisses::

I'm not 110% back yet, but I'll @ least be posting this week, only thing that'll still be on hiatus, is the daily log. You know the daily weigh in and eats/sweats section that tends to fill up the first ½ of the page.

Mainly b/c my fridge is gone, so I'm really eating on the run this week. My vitamin/supplement cocktail is packed up in some box I'm too beat to look for and my scale has gotten moved around on more than on occasion. I don't want to weigh until it's back to a permanent spot and I'm still working on the apartment.

Speaking of which, I am exhausted, muscles I never knew I have ached and I blame it all on moving the fridge.

Daily Weigh In: 189.2

Yesterday's Stats
Nutrition
slices of turkey, cashews, soy milk

1 Gallon Water

More like .5

Vitamins/Supplement Cocktail

Training
This week to do 5 sessions 90 mins cardio, 2 1.5 sessions weights

Rest 7 hour sleep

Pretty much slept the entire day

********

Got caught in a downpour Monday evening and spent an hour soaking wet sitting in my car. Woke up feeling icky.

Daily Weigh In: 188.2 I have a theory about the mornings I'm I *think* there is a pattern. Will need a few more weeks to analyze

Yesterday's Stats
Nutrition - Phase 1 SBD
- slices of turkey
- 2 hot dogs, lipton tea & cinamon roll
- frappachino

1 Gallon Water

More like 1.5

Vitamins/Supplement Cocktail

Training
This week to do 5 sessions 90 mins cardio, 2 1.5 sessions weights

15 mins weights (upper & abs)

Rest 7 hour sleep

About 5 hours, if that.

********

Time to reign in the weekend antics. Water and working out will be back on par, can't say 100% for food, no grocery shopping. I do have some eats on hand @ least for today. The next few days I'll likely be making Kroger runs once a day.

****

Too tired to truly recap or regale the day. If you want the behind the scenes on why for the last two weeks my life has been so hectic and emotionally trying, I talked a bit about what's going on.

Daily Weigh In: 187.8

Yesterday's Stats
Nutrition - Phase 1 SBD (ha! not after how I ate today
- lf cc
- sausage mcmuffin
- tomato, mozz cheese & spinach panini sandwich, slice of apple crumble cake, 2 glasses lipton sweet tea
- some cashews
- ice cream bar, semi sweet chocochips & cashews

1 Gallon Water

Barely got in 1 full bottle. First fill up, spilled 1/2 of it, IN THE CAR. Then was so thirsty on my drive home, stopped off to buy *frowns* another bottle. All in all got in about 1.5 liters, hence the sweet tea earlier.

Vitamins/Supplement Cocktail

On the road, running around, totally forgot to take them, then when I remembered, I had no water.

Training
Last week to do:
5 sessions 90 mins cardio; Actually done: 4
2 sessions weights; Actually done: 2

None. Got home too late to get to the gym for more than ½ hour. Plus I was too tired to make up a cardio routine.

Rest 7 hour sleep

********

All in all, fitness wise, yesterday was a wash. Which I kinda knew going in. I did my best to not make it a total meltdown, packed water, had gym clothes in the car, walked w/my vitamin cocktail. The only thing I couldn't properly plan for was food, I knew I'd be running around, and no grocery shopping this week, so I'd be eating out. By the time I got the panini sandwich, I was STARVING and saw the apple cake pie thingy first, b/c of course they put the desserts before food, and got that.

Considering all the other lunch items they sold, burgers, fries, etc, I chose the lesser of 3 evils.

My saving grace, I walked a lot and I did vigorous housework.

****

The upcoming week will be dicey, @ least food wise. Ok, I'm out, I feel like I'm not making sense and my brain is still asleep.

Daily Weigh In: 188.6

Yesterday's Stats
Nutrition - Phase 1 SBD
- lf cc w/splenda
- broccoli w/ranch, laughing cow & cashews
- veggie chicken w/black beans, cheese, tomato, zuchini w/ranch dressing avocado
- turkey slices w/soy milk
- ice cream bar w/semi sweet chocochips and cashews

1 Gallon Water

Vitamins/Supplement Cocktail

Training
This week to do 5 4 3 2 1 session 90 mins cardio

45 mins elliptical - 2.62 miles
45 mins treadmill - 2.42 miles (7.5 running/37.5 walking)

Total cardio mins: 90
Total miles: 5.04
Total calories burned: 776