Did I forget to mention I'm taking a night class on Tues, Thurs & Sat? I think so. So yea, I'm taking this class, started early this month, ends Thanksgiving weekend. Which means...No Biggest Loser Updates From Me. Oh well. I know I can watch online, but w/a a dial up connection, it'll be January before I'm able to wrap up what went down on the first episode. On a brighter note, DSL is scheduled for completion sometime in December. Just in time for Season 5.

All that talk about being excited for The Biggest Loser to start and I promptly missed the show. I crashed @ 8pm and didn't wake up till the alarm went off this AM. I checked their site to see if they posted the episode online, doesn't look like it.

Oh well.

Looks like I'll have to scour reality tv blogs and forums to get a whiff of what happened.

Compared to last week, running was hard today. Mentally and physically. Mentally b/c I keep having the stupid word games going in my head how hard running is and physically b/c it's been a LOOOONG week for me offline. I can NOT believe it's only Thursday. Given the emotional rollercoaster I've been on since…Tuesday…it should be Saturday already.

So I bucked up and ran. This time to one of my fave drum and bass or is it trance or shall I call him house or techno…whatever…Mauro Picotto. He got me through some long nights @ the computer lab I tell ya.

Plus the beats are always good for a few seconds burst of energy as I try to focus on the music, and not so much the time. But other tricks get me through running.

::small voice::

I imagine I'm on The Biggest Loser.

!!!

Sadly NBC doesn't have their act together in time for me to get pics added to my recap. That'll learn them to quit doing 2 hour shows. If I'm feeling charitable, I'll come back and add pics when their site is updated. Till then, on with the show! [12/17 Update: Pictures have been added.]

The biggest loser finale is on and it's live, though portions are prerecorded. Ok.

StTWA appears and is so pretty in pink. She mentions tonight we'll finally learn the answer to who's not going to make the final weigh in, as we've been hearing about it all week. Hearing about it all week...really? I haven't heard a peep. Must fire my sources.

Now they show team grey aka The Homeys.

50 states united to lose...

...they keep calling The Homeys a nation...WTF? Are they insinuating the group of 50 weighs as much as 300 million nice dig NBC

The Homeys took rejection in stride, all hoping to come back to the ranch.

Geebus. Another damned recap. We did this last week Announcer guy...and believe you me, it's even less fun the 3rd go round.

@ yet another shot of the weigh in where Florida Wylie didn't lose weight. Looks like u got pwned Wylie!

I really don't like seeing them fat again.

Here are The Final Four stats when they left the ranch:

New York Erik 124lbs lost

Utah Heather 56 lbs lost

Florida Wylie 90lbs lost

Alaska Kai 77lbs lost

It's funny to see Kai when they show her week to week weigh ins. She goes from folding her arms across her belly to ending w/her hands on her hips.

Now they recap them @ home:

Heather is up 2lbs.

Kai is boozing it up w/her girls.

Temptation calls Erik in the form of crispy bacon. Oh it was Erik kickin' the scale. My bad, I called Heather.

Dammit Kai is on my screen again w/that fug cry.

The 4 finalists return for ONE LAST TIME! What was up w/last weeks ONE LAST TIME?

And now we hear the theme song for ONE LAST TIME.

As Renee recaps for ONE LAST TIME.

Ugh...it's gonna be a loooooooong nite.

Sorry for the delay this week, I forgot to walk w/the update. But enough about me, lets get to the show.

It's a 2 hour event and while I started off writing about the high school hour, mid-way thru, it just didn't feel right snarking on them. Oh I wasn't making fun of the kids, I'd never do that, but you know, just being my usual flippant self, and I couldn't continue. The issue of childhood obesity is way too important. Instead I'll just recap the Losers. When the show is done, I'll post my thoughts on the high school portion. Fair enough? Good.

Now that the Biggest Loser: High School version is over, it's time to go back to the ranch for the final week.

They flash back to some of the older Ranchers and man oh man, w/the excess weight, I don't recognize them. It took me forever to realize that woman was Indiana Pam.

They are recapping the last few weeks and since I've already recapped this tedious season, I'm not doing it again

They show Wylie the week he busted his @rse and lost nyet. He's never gonna live down pulling that 0lber is he?

Finally! The recaps are over! Tonight they face the scale one last time and say goodbye to the ranch forever. Looking @ them this week, they all look crazy slim.

Here comes the theme musicccccccccccccccccccccc

@ the ranch Kim gives them final instructions, they lead of w/Alaska Kai, please let that mean she gets the boot tonight.

New York Erik is lugging Trainer Bob around on a trolley...

...his shirt looks like mine used to, soaked...

Ok, let me officially say, I don't know if this is true or not, but am posting it since at this late date, I am getting a lot of search engine hits on one biggest loser in particular, Marty.

A month or so back a TeeVee forum I visit dropped a selacios
tidbit about Marty. I did my own searching and here's what I found:

Welcome back Biggest Loser! How I've missed you so. Has it really been two weeks? Don't ever leave me again *sniffle*

Now onto the show...

Last time, players found out the game had changed. It's now every fat cell for themselves. Old alliance fell apart. The men got catty and did each other in. Erik is the 3rd person in biggest loser history, all 3 seasons mind you, to lose 100lbs. Wylie doesn't get why he lost no weight after burning more than 3000 calories.

Looking back now, I should've guessed Erik was going to boot Marty. He didn't wear a blue shirt. He wore stripes. Very telling.

Hot dayum, Wylie looks great.

Cue theme song ::singing:: It's never too late to tryyyyyyyyyy. We need a change...Yea! Do it today. Yea! ::end singing::

The sun rises on the ranch. New girl Adrian is getting out of bed. Why the hell is she wearing a blue shirt?!!?? Foretelling much?

She lost 54lbs

Heather is pumping iron and while biking. I still hate u.

Erik is the last Team Blue standing, he dreads telling Trainer Bob the news that he sold his boy Marty out.

Here come Trainer Ken and Barbie, dammit I mean Kim and Bob. Heyyyyyyyyyyyy you are soooooo busted NBC. It used to be Angel Bob and Devil Jillian, now we have Trainer Ken and Barbie, Kim and Bob, K & B.

Trainer Kim still has 3 of her teammates. Bob, seeing solo Erik, says he's so mad he can't see str8. Methinks there will be a hellacious workout ahead.

Erik took that individual game seriously. Bob pulls Erik aside and asks him if he's nuts….

There is no Biggest Loser this week. Instead, allow me to share my take on this season to date. I chillax @ a TeeVee forum and in reply to this statement...

this is supposed to be an inspirational program ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS. I've watched every episode ... and I still have no idea

...this is what I had to say...

For the record, I am officially pissed tonight ep competes w/Mama's Family.

Since my last update, 2 Homeys have rejoined to show. Jealously @ the ranch prevails. Cutey Patootey Tenn Bob was sent packing last week, 7 states remain: Alaska, Utah, North Dakota, Arkansa, Florida, Missouri and Erik, I mean NY *snerk*

Can I just say wow @ Missouri Marty and Florida Wylie, they look amazing!

What have you done today to make you feel proud? No I'm not singing the theme song, I'm asking you. Yes you!

As of now, the game is an individual game. Buh-bye Heather and Kai. *squealz*

Poor North Dakota Adrian, she looks confused @ the quick turn of events. Two weeks ago she was roughin' it @ home. Last week she had a team, now she's flying solo.

Trainers come in. Trainer Bob notices Tenn Bob is gone. Damn he's observant. Good to see trainer Kim actually wearing red. The last few shows, I may not have updated here, but I did watch them, I noticed she was sporting other colors on her body and a red wristband. Wench.

Bob hugs it out w/the boys.

He says he's not joking w/the boy's in the gym today. Heyyy even's Bobs eyes are blue. Now he's on standing on Marty's back. Hey! That's a Trainer Jillian move. I think he want's her back as much as I do.

Trainer Kim is working the new people and NOT wearing red. Oh, her sneakers are red

They do jumping squats…

The stars are aligned, my DSL is up, the pics are up on time and thankyoulord it's only an hour show recap. Seriously NBC, save 2 hour shows for the intro and the extro. Anything more is overkill.

Let's get to the show:

They recap last weeks day @ the beach. Combined, both teams have lost 356lbs lost…or they lost an entire Ken...heh

They show 14 @ the ranch, 36 online…hey…can they count me as one of the online contestants? Heck, why not count all us weight loss bloggers as online contestants?

Show starts, Trainer Bob is jetting up the steps. He sees Texas Tiffany is gone, that Bob is so observant. Tonight his mul-hawk looks a bit better, not as scruffy.

Alabama Melinda feels she must step it up, ie lose more weight or her ass is outta there.

Dammit, perky Trainer Kim is on the premises. Red Team is going play a game...rut-oh.

She's talking to them about buffets, while Bob takes his gang (wouldn't that make Blue Team the Crips and Kim's the Bloods?) outside.

Both teams are going on a cruise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *yawn*

Red team slides down the hill in joy. They look united.

Bob croons the theme song to the love boat. Shut your mul-hawk Bob.

He wants to show them going on a vacay doesn't = a vacay from exercise and diet. Is he talkin' to me? *hmph*

Last time on a cruise, Indiana Pam (why does that sound like cooking spray…oh…right) gained 7lbs. Not w/Trainer Kim in the hizouse.

StTWA, in black *shank*, is here.

Do they really need her hosting them on the cruise? Methinks she's a stowaway.

Bob puts his team thru a grueling circuit. Gawd his hair is gruesome looking.

Trainer Kim put her peeps in the pool.

I was really excited to watch the show this week, but when I learned it was 2 hours, something deflated. Overall, I was like meh, add to that feeling the DSL was down, so liveblogging was out the window, I just made some general observations, which of course will be accompanied with pictures.

[Update: even NBC don't have pictures ready. Nevermind.]

Well, um. Okay.

Red Team, Trainer Kim's bunch, won both challenges. Blue Team, a really close touchy feely bunch sent home the single mom, Texas Tiffany. She started at 255 and doing it alone at home went up and down a few lbs and is now in the low 200's. I thought they would've sent home Alabama Melinda, since she lost the least, 15lbs, of the entire team. But their rationale was, they wanted to send home a strong determined person who they knew would keep going. Tiffany it was.

Thank the lord next week is only an hour and hopefully by then, my DSL will be back up.

Oh and if StTWA wears a knee length black sweater w/black pants to the beach one more time...she's getting shanked.

My weekend was pretty okay. I went to the movies Saturday, just to get out for a bit, I was feeling overwhelmed w/all the unpacking I still needed to do. By Sunday, I was up for the challenge of getting all my clothes crammed into the closet. Staying in all weekend, I vegged out on TeeVee, which I hadn't been watching much of, but since I plopped the tube in front the bed, and the computer was way across the room in Bug-stackistan, I figured I was better off staying in bed w/the remote in one hand and my trusty can o' Raid Country Fresh Scent in the other.

Sat night, I caught a program on TLC called The Shrinking Woman, she weighed 600lbs, had bariatric surgery and was now left w/a body that was pretty much a mess. Before I get into how that show scared me str8, a quick aside.

I also watched, for the first time in my entire life, The Simple Life. Why? Nothing else was on, and the teaser did it's job, it sucked me in. I'll never watch that show again, 2 episodes was more than enough thankyouverymuch, but I must admit, the scene, where Paris encountered what she called a cockroach, but looked like a huge beetle, and she simultaneously tried to squish it, while running away screaming, had my rolling in the bed laughing (note, I did not say floor). Then when she took the leaf blower and blew that sucker out the door, I had to give it up to her for creativity and started googling my own mini leaf blower.

Okay, back to the real topic, life post surgery.

Now, I don't make judgments on people who opt to do surgery, to each her own, but I know that's not an option for me. No matter how frustrating losing weight is. When I was signing up for L.A. Fitness, and the sales guy tried to convince me of paying the initiation fee, he made some comment like, If you can go to the store and spend that $100 on a drink that'll shed all your weight now, you'd to it won't you. And I said no. And he was like, yeah right, come on. And I was like, I'm not losing weight so much to lose weight as I am to be healthy and physically fit. He still gave me a skeptical look, but we all know how that story ends don't we?

But this woman, who'd been abused as a kid and food was used as a sign of love by her mom, was always overweight, in her 20's she hit 300lbs and when her dad died, she blew up to 600. She needed to get surgery to remove the lining in her uterine, she was hemorrhaging, and while no other doctor would perform gastric bypass, too risky @ her size, one doctor would, so she did the duodenal switch.

Over the course of 3 years, she got down to about 225, but when she took off her clothes, good lord the loose skin. She was surrounded in it and opted to get plastic surgery to repair it.

The entire hour was about her experience, the ups and downs, and while the end result was she managed to shed about 20-40lbs in excess skin, I believe she got down to 180-something, after seeing what I saw, I knew I couldn't do it. Talk about pain.

Normally I do minute by minute live-blogging of The Biggest Loser, but a 2 hour season premiere meant: Nuh uh.

Instead, I'll just wrap up what I thought about the show and starting next week the real recap begins.

The Hostesseseseses:
In the first ½ of the show StTWA seems to have just worn a bra under her blazer, w/one button dangerously coming close to busting those puppies loose. And what's w/the "Jell-O $250,000 prize"? Is that a gimmick? @ the end of it all is Bill Cosby gonna come out w/250 grand of Jell-O products. I would riot.

Oh Bob, even when he tries to be mean, saying people come to the show expecting hugs thinking they know him but not this season, he's still such a softie. There was a scene where he chewed them up about working out and right before he left the house practically said, "Does anyone need a hug?" …give it up angel boy, you are no Jillian.

Speaking of Jillian, I hate to admit it, but, I didn't miss her. @ least not like I thought I would. The new girl, Kim, is okay. Perky enough. Almost too perky. A little more perk and she would've ventured over into bugs me territory. She has an amazing body, and seems to be trying to be herself, not another Jillian.

The Contestants:

Season three of NBC's hit reality show "The Biggest Loser" will feature 50 contestants representing every state in the country when the new season premieres with a special two-hour episode on Wednesday, September 20 (8-10 p.m. ET).

[snip]

hosted by Caroline Rhea ("Sabrina the Teenage Witch") [bwah! even NBC calls her StTWA, okay they forgot to add 'Aunt']

[snip]

Bob Harper returns as the blue team trainer and new to the show this season is red team trainer Kim Lyons.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ::gnashes teeth::

Where is my Devil Girl…how dare they not have Lucifer incarnate, Jillian?!?!?

This really bums me out. I don't even want to watch that stupid show anymore. But, I know you guys live for my recaps so, I'll be brave. My heart will go on.

Team…*whimper*…red…*sniffle*…all the way….*sob*…fare thee well Jillian….*honk*

For old time's sake:

So there I am, online, catching up on a bit of gossip, when an ad to the left of the screen caught my eye. Actually, it wasn't the ad, it was the t-shirt which was pretty cool…

So I scroll up a bit to see who's pimping it and I see…

And being a dim bulb, I'm like what does being a bully have to do w/losing weight?!?!?

Then it all came together as my eyes scrolled a bit lower…

It was the she-devil herself

Now that my mom's gone, you'll be seeing more of me around these parts Oh and she just called to tell me, when she pulls up, Maggie usually scampers across the yard to greet her, well no scampering yesterday. But when she got out the car, who was lazily lounging in the driveway behind her? Yup, you guessed it. I swear that cat wants me to go up there and get her.

While mom was here hogging my DSL, I ended up watching Netflix DVDs. In my queue was Season 1 of Felicity. Ok, so I've already proven how late I am when it came to flickr, and just got into frappr maps, please don't ask me about myspace, I can only maintain so much, but I'm EXTREMELY late when it comes to TV.

Felicity was a show I watched on and off, mostly during Season 3. I didn't really know the history of the relationships. By the Season 4 series finale, something else was on that night, I even remember flipping back and forth catching bits of the ending. Maybe Alias started by then, can't remember. Anyhoo, it's really cool to see it from start to finish.

Oh Madison Avenue...how I fantasize about the day I can wail on you w/my fists of fury.

Victim #1 – Citibank...your latest commercials lashing out @ the amount of time people have to wait on hold for a live customers service rep is spot on. You got it so right w/the guy on the cell phone. I was @ his "Big Boy" password, wrong on so many levels and his exasperated "I dunno" never fails to tickle me...but...and you know there is a but coming...

Part 2 in the series of how Madison Avenue solely exists to piss me off.

Victim #1 - Commercial for technical/trade and/or medical school, perhaps an all of the above educational facility. 3 girls, one spies another w/lots of bags, presumably she went shopping. Bagless girl inquires "Did you win the lottery?" Baggirl stupidly replies, "No! Better! I went to [insert school name here]"

Come

Onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Speaking of dunzo, the fine folks over @ mastercard have decided to run a contest for a spot on those sometimes funny/mostly corny priceless ads.

Your resident smart ass has decided to enter the contest for a chance to win one of those prizes. She hopes she doesn't get arrested for her antics.

I'm just sayin...

Analyzing my first 2 playlists may cause one, not you of course you're way to open minded, to wonder. Where's the R&B? The Rap? The Funk? One, again not you, may also do a double take to see if the girl in the above pic just has a hella heavy tan or is she really a black chick.

I assure you, I am.

A black chick that is.

I just have, how shall I say? Very eclectic music taste.

Just to review how this works, liveblogging is actually a misnomer. I do my commentary as the show airs, aside from fixing blatant spelling errors or misspelling of a name, I post my thoughts as the show unfolds vs. a summary of the show.

Later, when NBC gets some pics up, I plug them in along w/the commentary and below the picture I note if I got my recap correct or some other sarcastic remark.

Now that that's all cleared up, let's begin:

[2/2 Update! NBC was nice enough to post pics on their site, so I've added some here to go along w/the commentary. Freaky how close I got it. And I fixed the spelling of Toni's name. Man I must have been really beat since it didn't even occur to me to use an I. I kept thinking people will be so confused when I say Tony and the word "she" behind it. Also took the time to remove the extra L from Daniela since she's now my 2-hour-a-day-work-out hero.]

********

Spoiler alert, don't read if you haven't seen the show. I did this on the fly so there will be extra typos and bad grammar to deal with.

Pre show

Reminder collage from last week, showing summary of how families got on the show.

Key moments, Blue Team (BT) Robert yelling, "You can't do this to people", Red Team (RT) Emily diagnosed with early stages of diabetes, damn again.

After 10 days on the ranch, the fams return home, lots of video confessionals ahead. Looks like they got gym equip, and trainers will be stalking them.

They'll spend the next 6 months maintaining new regimen, worrying about the competition, and tonight we will find out which fam gets their just deserts...cornball announcer said that not me

cue theme music. No singing from Renee tonigt, Renee is pooped. Bah.

Spoiler alert, don't read if you haven't seen the show. I did this on the fly so there will be extra typos and bad grammar to deal with.

9:00

Sabrina the Teenaged Witch Aunt aka StTWA introduces the 2 families, both work in restaurants.

Red team is from the Bronx, NY cooking pasta & pizza in Little Italy.

Blue team from Peoria Illinois, cooks burgers & fries @ a 50's styled diner.

Up for stake $50,000. Why oh why didn't the couples take the cash. Oh never mind, I'm done w/them.

Video confession time. The diner family, dad is the cook, wife and two sisters.

Parents are doing this for their kids. They get trainer Bob who will give them the recipe, heh pun very intended I'm sure, for living a healthy lifestyle.

Um...he calls them as they are...sitting around a table eating?

Little Italy Family – all cousins and 1 daughter. Typical New Yorkers, lots of bravado.....I love them already.

Bring on Scary Jillian.

Again family sitting round the table about to eat. Methinks NBC plans this.

In terms of scary factor, I think Jillian has met her match w/that Robert dude.

Both fams head to the ranch meet StTWA & each other. Obligatory showing favorite food temptation goes down.

Makes me wonder, is that food real? What does NBC do w/it? Donate it to the hungry?

Up next, [sarcasm]every woman's favorite thing in the whole word[/sarcasm], public weigh ins.

Spoiler alert, don't read if you haven't seen the show. I did this on the fly so there will be extra typos and bad grammar to deal with.

Pre show
Last week I didn't pay much attention to the show, could barely remember the names, but by the end I liked it so much I decided to do weekly recaps. Here goes:

9-ish
Summed up last week. Am I the only one who thinks for 50g's I'd rather elope and use the cash for something else. 50gs for a wedding? Really?

Red team guy aka Steve wanted to tackle his fiancé...ahh, so that's where Ryan Philippe got the let-me-tackle-my-wife-in-public idea from...HIM!

Oh, someone got a roomful of fitness equipment. Was it just me thinking I'd put all that fitness equip on eBay and take the cash? I was. Oh.

They just showed the pile of money. Seriously, I'd take the loot.

Heh, scary Jillian. Love her.

Red team, aka Sarah/Steve is on. That's a helluva welcome home. How long were they gone again? 2 weeks?

55lbs lost in 2 weeks? That's my goal for this damn year.

Are you kidding me their family laid out all that food for them on their first day back losing weight?!?!

Re: Lindsay Lohan

Can I call it or can I call it?

Last week I said:

...by the time I'm ready to editorialize her situation, her crisis managers will issue a press release stating, it was all a dream.

And what do we have today?

Lindsay Lohan is denying claims made in February's Vanity Fair cover story that she had an eating disorder last spring. "The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done," Lohan, 19, wrote in an e-mail dated January 9. [source]

First off all, what 19 year old says the words appalled & misconstrued? In one sentence? Or @ any point during their 19th year for that matter?

So I was off about them declaring it a dream, but spot on about the press release.

That is why I held off from patting her on the back for coming out and being so real about hers and the exact reason I loathe celebrity, not Lindsay per se.

Ok, thanks to La, I found out the scoop on the TBL no show. Got so bad I was harrasing people for the deets in their own comments *snicker*

Turns out his name's Nick and he's bitter, called the show the worst experience of his entire life. Well then.

I also realized today, not many people liked My Suzy and it appears that once again I'm out of touch w/popular opinion. Curses.

First off, great show.

I mean to see extremely to severely overweight people shed hundreds of pounds is nothing short of inspiring. They were like sculptures and after burning off layers and layers of fat what emerged what awesome. That's why I think people who make fun of or discriminate against fat people are lame. It's like the corny saying goes, "I can always lose weight but you will always be ugly".

All the losers looked beautiful and radiant, especially my Suzy, yes she's mine I claimed her.

Onto my observations. Keep in mind, by nature I consider myself to be a social critic, in that I observe my surroundings w/a fairly critical eye, I don't pick on things to be a whiny complainer nor are my standards so high I'm never satisfied. I guess if I had a newspaper job, I'd be on the opinion page, b/c I'm full of it. Opinions I mean. You knew that already.

Let's get to it: