Gah, I can't keep it in anymore. Yes I was going to hold off till the weekend to update the stats, and I still will, but there is one teensy weensy meaningless stat that has been lying on the tip of my tongue, dying to get out.

168.5

Ladies and gents, I am under 170...Waaaahoooooo yaaaaaaaa hooooooooozzzzlleeee

?!?!?

Officially carried away.

One of the reasons I posted such issues driven "What say you?" topics last week, was due to watching Oprah's show about weight. I get some thanks for posting the topics and I'm grateful for it, but I wanted to take a moment to thank those of you who chime in. Your unflinching honesty deeply moves me.

I guess I'm hoping that people who don't have weight issues and happen across my site, read the words from those us who are trying to lose weight, whatever our reason may be, and realize the person they see ordering Mickie Dees or eating ice cream doesn't solely exist in that moment they encounter them. And rather than judge by wondering "Why are THEY eating that?" try to be compassionate instead.

Your comments helps to put a face on the faceless and for that I thank you. I'll have a more lighthearted topic up sometime next week.

********

Found this tidbit via Eve. Apparently Kirstie Alley went from a being size 14/16 in Jan to a size 6/8 this month. In the same time frame I went from a tight 16 to a barely fitting 12. After I let loose a plethora of #$#)(*#'s on Eve's site (forgive me girlie ) I went back to Kirsties' "blog" to check on something.

Here's what I found:

...body fat down 17%*...26¼ inches*...from 14-16 to 6-8*.

And wayyyyy at the bottom this:

*Results not typical.

Well my friends, I guess that makes me typical.

Every Friday morning I update my little NutriSystem profile. This is chart of how I've been faring for the last 16 weeks:

This morning I realized there are more red minuses than black plusses. I also realized more weeks than not, I had consistency.

In the last few weeks I've come to terms with this. Perhaps last weeks time off helped cement that I'm really okay with losing weight slow. I don't even care about it like I did earlier. I had no desire to beat the scale into submission this morning.

I haven't been averaging 1lb like most or 2lbs like the lucky. So a few weeks ago, when I finally accepted that I lose a ½lb, my mindset changed. Instead of trying for and being frustrated by not being able to lose 5lbs in 5 weeks, I've scaled back all my goals & expectations to aim for 3lbs in 6 weeks.

Today I'm down ½lb and that's just the way it goes.

Oh this weight will come off. I know it will. Put it like this, I'm going to make my body and lifestyle a really uncomfortable place for excess body fat to reside.

Oh and one more funny from Kirstie's "blog", the entry title says Half Way There, so does that make her goal a size 3/4? Oh, right. I forget. Hollywood.

-.5

Meh

173

Double Meh

Not at the amount of loss? I'I'm all like ::shrug:: today.

This week's secret? The handy dandy checklist. Like literally, I looked @ the scale, took bodyfat measurements and my first thought was I gotta get the morning 20oz of water in. By the time I got back from the gym I was more concerned that the pedometer steps were trending slightly lower than yesterday and I'd have to pick up the pace if I want to hit 10gs today.

The rest of the morning consisted of me in fact picking up the pace, taking long ways to where I needed to go and making a side trip all the way to the basement and back up 3 flights of stairs just to look for something. That's about all I really can do: eat right, workout, rest, stay hydrated, be active during the day.

The other day I had a thought, What if I always stay in the 170's? I'll still get fitter and my overall body fat goes down, but like what if this is my weight. Granted it was a tad irrational thought, but who really knows.

And I had to make peace w/that thought.

Not b/c I'm giving up or not being bothered. But b/c if that is the case, like if that's just what my body insists on doing, I'll be pretty miserable for the rest of my life trying to fight this fight. So the peace came w/me feeling, regardless of what the scale says, I'm going to get as fit as I can.

Running, swimming, real pushups, heavier weights. I'll take all of it. And if I turn out to be one of those people who's doing their thing w/no change for months on end, then one day wakes up and it's like BAM! Where?d that body come from?

Why, I'll take that too

Today's weigh in: -.5

173.5

+1.5

174

Am I freaking out? Nah. Actually, I'm freakishly calm. What's my secret? Logical Renee has successfully beaten Emotional Renee back into submission so I'm all like Meh. Besides, in every life a little rain gain must fall happen.

Rise of the Hormones™ started this week and I can't feel anyway till it's over. I'm not a regular chick and wasn't in the habit of weighing myself to see what trends my body goes thru, if any, during this blessed event. Next Friday, when the Rise of the Hormones™ has ended, I'll have a better idea of where I truly stand.

And I'll share another secret my body told me this AM: My body fat % stayed the same or is possibly a few 10ths of a percent lower. I don't remember the exact numbers after the decimal point, but the number before it is the same as last week.

I doubt it's muscle gain. If anything, these 3 things contributed in some form to the "gain": not drinking much water the last few days, about 50oz, eating out for lunch on Wednesday, and having the large fries and a Hershey Sundae Pie yesterday evening.

What? Emotional Renee snuck out for a few hours. I can't control that girl 24/7 ya kno.

But nah, no freak outs here. Nosireebob.

Not even when I listened to the radio this morning and heard that Metabo-sumthin-sumthin commercial where Marcy, (I'm like so shure it's not my Marci) giddily giggled, ?I lost 56 lbs in 29 weeks!?

Hey Marcy, come here a sec, I need to talk to ya. Step a little closer. Good. Now turn your head to the left. Perfect. I want your right cheek to meet my open palm.

*SLAP*

And you over there. The creators of Metabo-sumthin-sumthin...

*BACKSLAP*

See, I'm really really okay today.

I knew officially implementing this category would bite me in the tukkus one morning.

0

How do you spell relief?

M-A...I-N...T-A...I-N

Last time I weighed, 3 weeks ago, the scale said: 175

This morning, 3 WEEKS LATER: 174

Sonafa#&%@$ :furious:

I looked @ the scale and uttered two words. No not FU, I'm a lady ( @ Brenna) I said: Nuh. Uh.

Scale looked back @ me and said:

No musings this morning...I totally overslept :mad:

But I'll talk about weight.

+1, that + deserves the bold treatment...heh. Ironically had I not gotten sick last week and the trend of 1lb continued, this week I would be weighing in @ 175 anyway. Last week I would have been 176, not 174, making it very possible to hit 175 today.

Ah the beauty of a cold, it's the gift that keeps on giving Bah!

@ least the scale was kind this morning. Hopping on twice in a row today gave me the same # so I'm pretty sure it's accurate. Still, Anal Renee is very irritated that the Fitday and NutriSystem graphs now show an increase after weeks of downward motion. :mad:

Anal Renee needs a life.

It's official. My scale is freaking POSSESSED! It keeps teasing me w/huge drops. Today's tease? 167.5! Harlot!

In other news, in the last few days I have managed to blow out -3lbs of snot...heh.

So will you bear w/me as I accept that fluke & become emotional while jumping up and down and shrieking like Oprah, "I lost 3lbs! I lost 3lbs! I lost 3lbs!"

Logic steps in: Now Renee, you know that's just a casualty of being sick and not eating the last few days. If you promise not to be all bitter next Friday if that loss doesn't stick, yes you can enjoy this moment for a little bit longer.

Deal!

"I lost 3lbs! I lost 3lbs! I RAWK!! Take THAT scale!! In your face!!"

Ok ok OKAYYYY It's outta my system.

I relented and plugged that fabulous number in all my charts. Fitday says I need to lose ½lb the next 4 weeks to make my goal. I like that. My budget, however, does NOT like having to kick out $15 to the pudge free clothing fund and is now commanding my body to slow it's roll.

But I mean really? Who freaking cares about a budget today!?!? I lost 3lbs!!!

There. I'm over it. No. Really.

So here's one really good thing about taking the daily pudge pic. W/o the scale, I don't feel any diff't. My brain tells me there must be some difference, but my eyes can only see the room for improvement, the pudgy belly & the back fat. As far as it's concerned I look the same.

But looking @ the pictures this morning, I had a brief moment where the differences really hit me and all of a sudden, the lbs didn't mean anything. In some areas I saw significant shrinkage.

Of course now that it's a few hours later, I'm back to squinting @ the pictures & they are beginning to look the same. Fortunately times like this it pays to be a woman.

I can fall back on my fickle nature, that only a few minutes ago snubbed the huge drop in lbs, and now savor the bliss of this fleeting phrase rolling off my toungue: "I lost 3lbs."

Every lb has a story. This is the true story of a pound fondly known as #177.

I'm getting better @ being less anxious before weighing in. It's been 7 long days. I was actually looking forward to it today. Right up to the point that my toes touched the scale that is? Then the jitters came back.

178. Guh?!

Let's try this again. 178.

I hate going thru this song and dance. It would be easy for me to accept 178. I was momentarily resigning myself to look @ the brighter side of things, Hey I didn't gain.

But it just didn't feel right. Don't ask me how or why I felt that way. I could be just full of it, but my gut told me that # was just plain wrong.

For the sake of the story I must reveal a bit of TMI. I'll try to be discreet.

My am routine is wake up, go to the bathroom, take pudge pic, get dressed, hit gym, use bathroom, get ready for work etc etc.

Read between the lines m?kay.

When I saw 178, my heart cried a bit and my stomach sank. All of a sudden I got the urge to use the bathroom. Keep in mind, I've already gone to the bathroom when I first woke up. Follow?

Just for giggles I decided to weigh in again. What? I mean it can't hurt right? Besides, I can almost guarantee the scale wouldn't be going up?heh

172.5. Awww c?mon not this huge drop tomfoolery again.

176.5. What!! You mean I actually made my goal?!?!

177. 177. 177.

Geez Louise.

I am a digital freak, but Zeus almighty I may have to get an analog scale. I can't take the melodrama every week.

177 brings me .5lbs shy of my 5lb/5 weeks goal. W/all the back and forth this morning, message to scale: I. Don't. Care.

Rather, I'm excited that I now have a fresh 5 week slate ahead of me. This morning I got to reset both my Fitday and NutriSystem goals to aim for 172lbs by April 1st. Plus this entry made me finally decide to add a new category, weekly weigh-ins. Not promising I always post to it. My Fitday journal is a good place to find updated weight info if I don't mention it here.

Always one to look @ things from other points of views, had I weighed in this week for the first time since week 1, as far as I would know I would have lost 4.5lbs in 5 weeks. Weighing in weekly does take a bit of oomph out of things compared to saying, Hey I almost lost 5lbs in 5 weeks.

Now my oomphs come from the cha-ching factor. My pudge free clothing fund has gone up to $17.50 smackeroos!

Huzzah!

GAK! You mean I haven't written a Journal entry since...Tuesday!?!?!

*sigh*

I've been a bit distracted. My focus hasn't been sharp this week. I've been sorta winging it. Shure I'm pushing the workouts & monitoring my eating like a hawk, but I've had a lot on my mind.

This feeling actually came about last Saturday. I think I know what triggered it, but it'll take me one more week to fully sort it out and if what I suspect is correct, I'll get into more details here.

-½

THIS is the point where my body proves; above all else, it is the boss of me. Sure Renee has a 1lb per week goal. Yes Renee keeps an eye on calories in vs. calories out. But the body in all it's wisdom, with it's mystical ways of functioning and regulating that is beyond my comprehension, deemed this week to be -½ week.

When I first got on the scale it said 169.5. I shit you NOT. I jumped off that thing like it was a hot stove. I shook my head cartoon style. Yes I made that noise too :: And I got back on. 178.

Guh?

Which led me to all sorts of conspiratorial thoughts, like maybe I need a new scale? maybe I moved it slightly? maybe those papers covering it all week threw the sensors off?

But last week you told me 178.5!

Got back on. 178. Again!

Fine!

Truly, the -½lb doesn't bother me. What is gnawing @ me is silly really. B/c it goes against all my logical thoughts, but when the emotions talk, I do listen.

<Start Emotional Talking>
You see the thing of it is, I'm part of the 5 in 05 crew (::waving:: Hi ladies ). Being conservative, I personalized my goal even further to 5lbs in 5 weeks (anything to cushion those emotional blows). So up till this weigh in, I was plugging away steadily @1b per week. Next week is week #5. In order for me to make that goal I'll need to drop 1.5lbs!

Which led to these thoughts & schemes swirling around in my head:

- Ok I'll skip this week's free meal.
- I'll do some extra walking and really push it.
- I'll up the ante on my leisurely bike ride.
- I knew I shouldn't have skipped stretching yesterday, pffft!
- Did I really get in enough water yesterday?!!?
</End Emotional Talking>

Those were some of my first thoughts. I can't fight them or suppress them. So as I walked this morning, I just let them run their course b/c sometimes you just gotta let your emotions simply be. And when she was exhausted (walking @ 3.5mph helped tire her out...heh) and out of schemes, logic stepped in.

<Start Logical Talking>
Now here's why I won't do ANY of those things. If I, for the sake of hitting a goal, run myself ragged, this will no longer be fun for me. I'll burn out and be miserable.
- If I deny the free meal, I'll feel deprivation and set myself up to rebel something awful.
- I walk enough thankyouverymuch
- If I turn the leisurely bike ride into a workout, I'll run the risk of overtraining.
- Stretching is the only thing I'm flexible (no pun) about getting in, so long as I do it @ least twice a week. Since it's not done as a workout, skipping it one day isn't detrimental. It's primary function is to aid my muscles.
- And for the love of God, yes I got in enough, over 64oz, of water yesterday. Sheesh!
</End Logical Talking>

And that's why I posted that particular quote this morning. 50lbs in my mountain, .05lbs is a stone.

I try to post quotes that either mirror what's going on with me or gently reels me back in when I find myself straying.

B/c even though it was just last Sunday I declared:

Till then any movement down, no matter how small, is a victory for my team.

Even I need to reassure me @ times.

When we last visited the princess she was walking around in stomach slicing black pants. Let's see what she has gotten herself into lately?

This morning our fair princess is rudely awoken by the castle guard. Noooooo she moans and snuggles further into bed. Up with ye! he snarls, You know what day it is.

5 more minutes kind sirs, she pleads.

The castle guard rips the fluffy duvet off and seizes her by her love handles. Move it missy. Sighing deeply she climbs out of bed and puts on her robe.

He leads her down the dark dank stairwell where the stench of must & sweat hang heavily in the air. She enters the Nekkid Chamber where she is allowed to prepare for the weekly ritual while keeping some sliver of modesty.

Once she is fully unrobed he lowers her down onto the cold steel Scale of Doom. She keeps her eyes tightly closed as her feet touch bottom.

I will not look, I will not look, she softly chants.

Open those eyes! he bellows from above.

She prays quickly, "Dear Fairy Slim Mother, please oh please grant me 1lb this week. Preferably 2lbs, but I'll take 1 m'kay"

Suddenly the princess felt a chill across the back of her neck as a small voice whispered "Your wish is my command".

Opening one eye she sees: 179.5.

Furrowing her brow, she pouts for bit. She steps off the scale and steps back on, "Can we try for 178.5"? she asks.

Nooooo!, the voice from above bellows again. Her Fairy Slim Mother scurries away saying, Don't be ungrateful.

The princess steeped back on the scale: 180

Eep! 179.5 it is, she titters nervously. Gathering her composure, she looks @ the scale, both eyes open this time, and graciously says, Not bad.

With that she was released from the chamber.

She was free.

Will there be less love handles to hold onto?

Does she conquer her fear of the torture room?

Will her Fairy Slim Mother grant a bigger wish?

To be continued...

-1

That's what the scale told me this morning. It took a while for me to see it clearly (brain being foggy and all). I stepped off and got back on. 180.5. Down 1lb.

@ first I was ambivalent. Prolly b/c earlier this week I was mentally chanting "179 or 180, 179 or 180, 179 or 180" over an over.

The next second I had those thoughts. You know those thoughts:

"A single freaking pound? Are you effing kidding me? How much cardio did I do this week? And I know it ain't no effing muscle b/c I've only lifted weights 2 effing days"

And b/c I'm a cynical chick, a few minutes later, they were gone.

Thanks to my hard earned cynicism I've become a realist. I know all the body retaining water, scale doesn't show true loss, body fat could have dropped, muscle could have built, depends on time of day you weigh, explanations.

I've spent over a year researching them and have the archives to prove it. So I don't fly off the handle or have unrealistic expectations. I view my body as a machine that knows it's doing despite what I feel it should do.

That miniscule 1lb drop grounded me.

Had I seen a big drop I would have chalked up last week's 4lb gain since New Year's Day of 181.5 to all those metabolism wrecking habits I wallowed in the last two weeks: eating one meal per day of only fast food or take out, excessive consumption of coke (a cola), sleeping in the afternoon, staying up till one, or skipping breakfast. Perhaps all of them.

That 1lb meant my ass actually *gasp* gained weight and I couldn't pretend I was just bloated or carbed up or retaining.

Then I thought hmmm 1lb in 1 week?

Silly rabbit, why it only reinforces my deepest belief that a weekly loss of 1-2lbs per week is safe and also strengthens my skepticism of any [INSERT THE NEW FAD DIET HERE] that brags that using their product you too can lose 5-10lbs in the first week.

For successful long-term weight loss, most studies recommend losing weight slowly. A rate of 0.5-1 lb (0.2-0.4 kg) per week is best, but even slower rates can result in substantial weight loss when applied over time (and, they are easier to achieve!).

So I got dressed, b/c I only weigh myself stark nekkid & Lord know how much the pudge pics' red 'kini weighs, and went down to the gym. That 1lb is NOT going to stop me from getting my workout on. Besides, I've got to learn how to run & 500 miles to accumulate.

When I was done & came back up, I plugged my stats in all the obligatory places, my NutriSystem weight journal, my paper chart, and finally Fitday. Oh FitDay, how I love thee.

Beloved Fitday made my morning. You see, silly me forgot what I said just one week ago today. It was Fitday, with it's graphically unpleasing colors (puke orange w/double puke green) and ugly Arial fonts (I'm a Verdana girl can't you tell), that reminded me of my mini goal.

5lbs in 5 weeks.

I'm right on time.

Looking @ it another way, had I not started working out or eating better and continued what I was doing, @ the rate I was trending since the first of the year, today I'd weigh in somewhere between 182-183.

This fat is going dooooooown.

I was right on point with yesterdays guesstimate of a 4-5lb gain.

4. More.

And oh how I CRINGE @ the thought of how much weight I need to lose just to break into new territory. Or when I think of how much I've gained since I put it into my head to lose weight back in October of 2003, or a how much I've gained since this time last year or even just freaking 2 weeks ago.

Those thoughts overwhelms me, depresses me and frustrates me to all hell.

So this morning I woke up and weighed in, Friday is the official day, and saw what I expected and for a moment had a scary thought of how far from my goal I am. Then I reigned myself in and chanted 5 in '05.

I went to Fitday, revised my target date and weight from saying 130lbs by 12/31/05 to say 176.5lbs by 02/26/05.

Suddenly that mountain turned into a hill.